You're Still Loved, I Swear *One Direction*

Chapter 18

“Niall, it’s been a whole day! You’ve got to come out now!” Harry knocked on the door with imminent worry etched onto his face.

Niall sobbed into his knees, “No!” He shouted, forcefully wiping the back of his fist under his eyes. He couldn’t believe that he simply lost control like that- and Zayn had to pay for it.

“He’s not angry, Ni…he wants to make sure you’re okay.” Harry whispered in hopes of getting Niall to open his bedroom door.

And it worked. Nearly a minute after Harry said that, Niall unlocked and opened his white wooden door. It creaked at its hinges- but that was a noise that Harry was happy to hear. “Oh, Ni.” Harry whimpered as he saw Niall’s swollen, puffy, dark red eyes. A thin layer of Niall’s usually cream-colored skin was turned dark purple under his swollen eyes due to lack of sleep. Harry, whose heart felt like it was getting stomped on, wrapped his long arms around his older band mate.

“Did you cut?” Harry whispered, rubbing his abnormally large hands in circles on Niall’s back.

Niall chuckled darkly, “Not yet.”

“Yet?” Harry asked, pulling away. Niall simply shrugged.

“So,” The blonde boy began, “He’s not angry? Are you sure? I mean…he’s got the right. I fucking lost control, I knew it would happen, fuck; I’m such a screw-”

Harry interrupted. “Don’t even finish that sentence, Niall. And don’t ask me those questions, talk to Zayn yourself. He’s in his ro-”

Harry didn’t even bother finishing his sentence because Niall had shot away from him and towards Zayn’s door before he even had the chance to. The curly lad smiled and went downstairs to eat with Louis.

Niall didn’t bother knocking on Zayn’s door; he just pushed it open quietly. What he saw simply broke his heart- Zayn was lying face down on his bed and Liam was comforting him. It looked like Zayn was crying, for some reason that Niall didn’t know, and the blonde boy just wanted to help him.

Liam looked up as soon as the door opened. “Niall…” He breathed, standing up. “Zayn, I’m going to fix up a plate of breakfast for you. Ni’s here, I’m sure he wants to talk.” Liam said, offering Niall a comforting smile before leaving his band mate’s bed room.

“Niall?” Zayn croaked, and turned his head to see his puffy-eyed mate standing in his doorway. “Thank God you’re okay. Have you cut?” Zayn quickly asked.

The blue-eyed boy shook his head, “No, I haven’t.”

“Good.” Zayn smiled, relaxing a little bit.

Niall didn’t know what to say, but then again, who would? Are there really any words to say to your best friend, to whom you spanked relentlessly for nearly no reason? There aren’t.

But Niall wanted to try any ways. “Zayn…I…” He trailed off.

“Don’t say anything, Ni. Just come sit next to me.” Zayn smiled, motioning his friend over to him.

Of course, Niall was nineteen; but Zayn could’ve guessed he was much younger with the way he was acting. He looked so helpless with dried tears on his cheeks as he shuffled over to Zayn’s bed. He simply sat on the edge, too scared to be near Zayn in fear that he’d hurt him.

“Niall.” Zayn stated. “Don’t be scared, you won’t hurt me.” He comforted.

This caused Niall to break into sobs. “But I did hurt you, Zayn! I fucking turned into a monster! I l-lost control…like that one time when I was in my bathroom! I can’t believe how badly I hurt y-you…” He cried.

“You didn’t hurt me, Ni.”

Niall shouted, “Stop that! You’re lying, I can tell! You are fucking hurt, Zayn! You can’t even lie on your back! Because of me, dammit! And stop treating me like a child, I can accept the truth! I can see that you’re hurt!!”

The raven-haired lad nearly shrunk under Niall’s harsh words- but he didn’t. “Niall, I didn’t mean it like that. Yeah, you hurt me. My butt fucking hurts, okay? I meant that you didn’t hurt me. You’re still my best friend, Ni, nothing can change that.”

“But I lost control…” Niall whispered.

Zayn smiled weakly, “I lose control, too. Don’t you think I feel the same way whenever I chain-smoke? Don’t you think that Lou feels the same way whenever he goes off his hinges? Or Liam? Even Harry? Niall, you need to realize that we all lose control.” He smiled before continuing, “But you’ve got friends like us who are willing to help you gain it back.”

Niall’s sobs reduced to simple sniffles, and he scooted closer towards Zayn. “Please, just realize how sorry I am.” He mumbled.

“And I hope you realize how sorry I am for still smoking.” Zayn retorted, making Niall smile.

“Forgiven?” Niall hopefully asked.

Zayn chuckled, “Only if I am as well.”

“You already were.” Niall rolled his eyes, gently lying down next to Zayn. “Just know, Zayn, that you didn’t deserve that at all.”

Zayn cackled, “Yeah, well, I’m sure Perrie would’ve gone much harder if she found out I was still smoking!”

“Or your mom…” Niall trailed off, laughing.

“Oh god.” Zayn groaned. “I wouldn’t be alive if my mom knew!” He joked, earning a laugh from Niall. The blonde boy calmed down and leaned against Zayn, who turned on his side so he could better face Niall.

“You know what, Ni?” Zayn said.

“Mhmm.” Niall mumbled, snuggling under the comforter and feeling sleep hit him.

“I’m really happy that you didn’t cut.”

Niall smiled with his eyes closed. “Me too.”

“And you know that means?”

“What.”

Zayn smirked to himself. “That means you’ve got control.” He whispered as Niall hummed in approval. The fell asleep together, both exhausted from the morning’s emotions.

Liam returned with breakfast for the two, but since they were both sound asleep (and they needed the sleep, he knew that), he just left the two in peace. He was happy that they’d made up, because he knew if they didn’t then the whole band would’ve been affected.

He was simply happy that they were close enough to forgive each other.

A/N Nope, no sugar. Sorry ): But I guess the fucking sour taste of the lemonade just means that everything’s going downhill again.

Okay, okay. You’re not here to listen to me complain. So I’ll go now. Sorry it took so long and sorry that it’s terrible, but hopefully I can make it up to you someday. Love you, xoxo.

P.S. I’ve got another story to not update. (Just kidding, guys, I’m going to update that one tomorrow night). But read it, please. It’s different and not really One Direction related, but it’s going to get sooooooo good. Bye.