You're Still Loved, I Swear *One Direction*

Chapter 13

“I would choose…neither.” Niall whispered, careful not to wake Zayn, Harry, or Liam up.

Louis chuckled quietly, “But you have to make a legitimate decision!” He protested.

Niall huffed, “I don’t think any sane person could choose between stabbing needles into their eyes and eating someone else’s shit.”

“Fine, don’t choose. But when the time comes for you to choose one; don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Niall laughed, “That’s okay with me.” He snuggled deeper under the covers due to a recent cold chill. It was quiet for a moment, and Niall was glad. The silence didn’t bother him, not this time.

Harry and Liam moved to sleep on the floor in the middle of the night; and Zayn had fallen off the bed sometime around 3 am, so Niall and Louis were left in the very comfy bed.

“Why did you ever start cutting?” Louis tip-toed around the silence.

Niall sighed, “I dunno.”

“Yes, you do.” Louis argued. “But you don’t want to say why.”  It was quiet again, because really; Niall couldn’t argue with Louis’ truth. He did know why he was cutting; to punish himself. Of course, he told some sort of sob-version of this, but the boys obviously hadn’t quite understood. And Niall was okay with that.

The Irish lad pulled his bottom lip in between his two front teeth and started biting down. “I just, well, you know…”

“No, I don’t know.” Louis interrupted, and turned on his side so he could look Niall straight in the eye. “But I understand.”

The skinny blond boy didn’t know how to respond to this question; he’d never been in a position like this before. He’d never really heard the words “I understand” before (well he had, just not in a circumstance like this).

“How can you understand when you don’t even know why I was doing it?” Niall harshly asked.

Louis sighed, “I know it helped you feel better, and I know you liked it. I think I can understand that.”

Niall gulped, “It’s not like I meant to like it.” He whispered.

“What do you mean?” His Doncaster mate asked. “If you were doing it, you had to have known that you wanted to. I mean, right?”

With a shake of his head, Niall said, “No. It started out as a way to punish myself, ya know?”

“No, I don’t.” Louis whispered. “I just don’t know why you’d let yourself get to the point where you thought that you deserved pain like that.”

Niall shrugged, “I-I don’t really know either, I just…” He took a pause to regain composure as he felt his eyes water. “I just felt gross, you know? And stupid. Like….have you ever made a joke? Something that wasn’t funny, and really hurt someone?”

“All the time.” Louis chuckled.

“And it stings, doesn’t it? You walk around, beating yourself up, thinking ‘Why Was I So Stupid’ and ‘I Should’ve Known Better.’”

“So, it was like that?” The brunette asked.

Niall nodded, “Times a hundred.”

Louis sighed and scooted closer to his blonde, hurting friend. “Please, if you ever feel that way, just let us know, okay?” He gave a weak smile to the Irish lad. “I love you too much to let you do that to yourself.”

Niall laughed bitterly and wiped the tears that were beginning to spew out of his eyes. “Don’t make me cry it’s fucking embarrassing.” He muttered.

“Sorry.” Louis shrugged. “But it’s true.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Niall mumbled, “Whatever. Just hug me so we can go back to sleep.”

The brown-haired boy chuckled, “Sure thing, Ni.” He moved closer and wrapped his arms around Niall’s waist, who just buried his crème-colored face in his band mate’s neck. They hadn’t intended to stay in that position long, but within minutes, both boys had fallen asleep together.

A/N aw Nouis feels <3 and GOSH I’M WATCHING THE GRAMMY’S AND I JUST KEEP GETTING MADDER AND MADDER MAYBE I SHOULD TURN IT OFF. Okay so I’m going to bed now, but I’ve read all of your comments and seen that you want Zayn to be spanked so that should be up in the next few chapters (: Okay love you! xoxo