Breathe Me

All of Me

*Trigger warning*

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you.

Alison's POV

I'm doing it. I have to.

I stare down at the bottle of pills in my hand, then up at my reflection. I look sadder than ever and my cheeks are sunken in. My face is a bit bony, probably from barely eating. My mascara is streaked down my cheeks.

I have to.

I get a glass and fill it full of water in the sink of my bathroom that's connected to my room.

I have to.

I stare at the pills. Tylenol and Advil.

I have to.

I slip one into my lips.

Swallow.

Another.

Swallow.

Another.

Swallow.

At some point I kind of want to stop but I can't. My body is on automatic now, taking pill after pill and pushing it past my chapped lips and swallowing.

After a while I realize half of each bottle is gone. I feel dizzy so I move to sit down but the action is too much and I fall to the ground, spilling the bottle of pills I'm holding.

I smile slightly as my vision goes black.

Emily's POV

I could be a track star with how fast I sprint to her house. When I get there I'm breathing hard. I ring the doorbell repeatedly but no one answers.

I try the doorknob but it's locked.

I go around back and that door is locked too.

Finally I find a window that isn't and I break the screen open and climb inside. The window leads to the kitchen.

"Ali!"

There's no answer.

I run up the stairs, my footsteps echoing through the large house.

The door to her room is locked. I jiggle it and scream, "ALI!"

No answer.

I back up and run towards it at full speed, slamming my shoulder into the door. It hurts, but the door won't budge. I try again and again until finally it breaks off its hinges and I'm in.

She's not in here but I see a light on in her bathroom. I run towards it and open the door.

And gasp.

She's lying on the floor with a spilled pill bottle next to her.

I'm sobbing now. "No! Please Ali no no no!"

I run up to her and cradle her head. She's breathing but her pulse is so faint I can barely feel it.

Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out my phone and dial 911

"911 what's your emergency?"

"Help me! Help! She's dying!" I shriek into the phone.

"What's your location?"

I rattle off the address.

"I'm sending someone over."

"Hurry!" I say and press the end call button.

I sit with her until I hear sirens screaming down the road and I have to go to the door to let them in.

Paramedics race in and bring out Ali on a stretcher. Yelling things at each other that I don't understand.

I follow them downstairs and go in the back of the ambulance, holding Ali's hand the whole time.

This is all my fault. She told me she loved me and I rejected her because I didn't believe her.

And I don't wanna be with Paige. I wanna be with Ali.

But now that chance might be gone. Because we were so mean to her.

I pull out my phone again and text the girls.

Emily: S.O.S. Hospital!

They all reply that they're on their way.

When we get to the hospital, they take Alison away shouting about the stomach pump.

I watch her get wheeled away and I'm overcome with grief and shame. We did this.

I pace for awhile until Hanna, Aria and Spencer burst through the door.

"What's going on?!" Spencer asks, breathless.

"Ali."

Hanna furrows her brow. "Why do we care about her?"

"Because she just tried to kill herself!" I scream.

People are staring but I don't care.

"Because of what we did to her! It's our faults!" I'm sobbing now and I can't stop.

"Oh my god." Aria sobs, her voice breaking. "No... guys this is all my fault. I'm such an idiot! Oh god, how could I be so stupid?!"

"What are you talking about?" Hanna asks and I want to know just as much.

Aria looks uneasy.

"Tell us!" I yell.

"Okay!" She sighs shakily. "The other day, about a week ago... I went to the bathroom during class. Alison was in there... She was..."

"She was what?" I urge.

The short brunette sighs. "I swore to her I wouldn't tell."

"If you have something important to say that could help us, help her you better tell!" I yell. I don't care if people are staring. Fuck them.

"There was blood on her wrist and she had a razor and she was... cutting herself." She whispers the last part.

I sink to my knees. "NO!"

Then I remember. That day in the bathroom, when her wrist was bleeding she must have been cutting. How could I not have realized what was going on? "No, I'm the stupid one." I say. "Before that I saw her wrists bleeding when she was coming out of a stall in the bathroom. She was bandaging them up and there was so much blood, but she looked so... calm. I was confused but I didn't realize. How could I not have realized?"

"None of us did, Em." Spencer tries to comfort.

"But you guys didn't see her wrists bleeding and not realize what was happening." I put my head in my hands. "Fuck. Fuck, I'm so terrible."

Hanna's eyes are red and puffy. "We all are." She chokes out. "But especially me. I was the worst to her. I treated her like shit."

"To be fair, we all thought she was playing with Emily." Spencer reasons.

"But she wasn't!" I shoot back. "Why did we think she was?!"

"Well in the past-"

"But it's not the past! It's the present! She's changed. She's been through so much crap and we added to that and it was just too much for her. It's all our faults." I finish, tears rolling down my cheeks. "It's my fault." I whisper.

AN: I'm crying. Sorry for such a sad, sad chapter but it shall get happier! Very slowly, but it will get happier! This song is by Jon Legend. And yeah... hope you guys liked it.

- G. Schreiber

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