Breathe Me

Carmen

*Trigger Warning*

Baby's all dressed up with nowhere to go
That's the little story of the girl you know
Relying on the kindness of strangers
Tying cherry knots, smiling, doing party favors
Put your red dress on, put your lipstick on
Sing your song, song, now the camera's on
And you're alive again.

Alison's POV

I sigh shakily as I put my makeup on. I stare into my reflection and feel tears threaten to spill over, but I hold them in.

"You've been through a lot worse." I say to my reflection. "You can do this."

I know I can't be that broken girl that I was all weekend when I go to school. I have to be tough and I can't show fear, or sadness or the students will eat me alive. They already hate me. If they think I'm weak they will strike in no time.

I pack my razor blade and some band-aids into my secret little pocket on the inside of my blazer and I'm ready to go.

I walk through the doors of Rosewood High with my head held high defiantly. No matter how much I feel like crying, I show nothing.

Everyone is staring at me and it's really bugging me. Boy, how things have changed. I used to love attention and get mad if everyone wasn't looking at me. But I hate it. It makes me feel like I have something on my face or like I'm some freak that everyone wants to snap a picture of.

Finally I can't take it.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer!" I snap.

They all look away.

I go to my locker but that's when I hear the familiar laughter of four girls.

This cannot be happening.

They're right next to me, a few lockers down.

Finally Hanna notices, which she makes clear when she speaks loudly, "Oh look the bitch is back from the dead."

I gulp as a lump forms in my throat, but I don't acknowledge them. I can't or else they'll have the satisfaction of knowing they got to me. I can't let them get to me and I can't let them know if they do.

"She looks okay..." Spencer begins. "For a zombie."

"I wonder what hell is like..." Aria ponders. "Well I guess we can ask Alison! She's been there!"

Emily doesn't say anything but she laughs at their jokes which is just as bad in my eyes.

I can't take it anymore. I slam my locker shut and rush off to the bathroom, locking myself in a stall. I sit on the toilet seat and put my head in my hands, sobs wracking my body. I don't know what to do.

Then I remember.

It's cold in my hands but in the last couple days I've become all too familiar with it. It's my only friend. The only thing that has the ability to make me smile anymore.

I pull my sleeve up and add some more nicks in my arm. I sigh in relief and walk out of the stall, beginning to put the band-aids on my arm.

Someone clears their throat and I look up. I freeze when I see Emily standing there. My throat closes up and I can't breathe. I feel light-headed. I'm gonna throw up. I'm hyperventilating.

I lean my hand against the sink and try to breathe normally.

"Why are you bleeding?" She asks in a cold voice.

I just shake my head and rush out of the bathroom. I can't talk to her.

-

At lunch I get my tray and and walk into the lunchroom looking around at all the tables.

The cafeteria seems to go silent as all heads turn to me.

Emily, Hanna, Aria and Spencer are shooting dirty looks.

I can't do this

Everyone hates me.

This hurts.

I can't breathe again.

I dump my tray in the trash and run out of there. I find myself at the library and I think I know why.

I practically sprint to the "D" section and scan the shelf like crazy until I find what I'm looking for. I pull the book off the shelf and sigh in relief.

I quickly open it.

My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant...

This book makes me feel better no matter what.

The only thing that makes me feel completely better.

Emily's POV

I have no idea why her arm was bleeding like that. She probably just scraped it. But what was wrong with her? She was breathing all weird.

I know it's just an act though. She's great at acting. And lying.

Hanna laughs. "Did you see her face when she ran out of here? She looked like she was about to throw up!"

I laugh halfheartedly. Deep down I know this is wrong, but I'm still so mad at Alison. She knows how much she's hurting me and she doesn't care. But it hurts a lot. It hurts so much I don't know if I can stand it.

Suddenly Paige walks up to me. "Em, can I talk to you?"

I smile and nod, getting up. I really like Paige and I don't know why I even broke up with her. For Alison, I guess. But that doesn't matter now.

"Em, I'm sorry, alright. And I want you back."

I smile. This feels right. I belong with Paige, at least for now. I should've never broken up with her when she was only protecting me. "I want you back too, Paige. I forgive you. Alison is the one that I should be mad at."

"Why?"

"She tried to play games with me again. Like always. Told me she loved me but it was all an act." I scoff, rolling my eyes.

"I hate her." Paige says.

"Me too."

Paige smiles. "So... we're back together?"

"We're back together."

AN: Okay screw it with that update on Saturday thing, I'm on a roll! BUT EW NO NOT PIGSKIN! And poor Ali:(((((((((((((((((((( She's so upset. It's bad right now guys, but I promise it'll get better! Except of course there's Paige and Paige is awful and let's just all steak her in the heart like a vampire AYYYE. And all you should read Great Expectations. I started it and it's soooo good! Hope you liked this chapter! Song is by Lana Del Rey.

- G. Schreiber

Tumblr: Gretaschreib
Ask.fm: Gretaschreiber
Vine: Getaschreib