Breathe Me

Cough Syrup

*Trigger Warning*

If I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away
To some fortune that I, I should have found by now
And so I run to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

Alison's POV

Emily is right and I know it. I don't deserve anything and I'm worthless. It's my fault my mother is dead and it's my fault my brother and father don't wanna be around me. It's my fault Rosewood hates me and it's my fault that Emily wants nothing to do with me.

I know that I brought this all on myself. I was such an awful person and I hate myself, I really do.

My knees tuck up under my chin as I sob to myself.

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why does everyone hate me?

And I'm left with this horrible empty feeling that I need to get rid of somehow. Even though I don't wanna hurt, this empty feeling is so much worse.

That's when the idea pops into my head.

I get up and go over to my drawer and pull out the pencil sharpener. I break it open without thinking and get the blade out.

I stare at the shiny object and feel it's weight in my hands. It holds so much power and pain in it. I could use it. I could. And then I would feel something. This empty feeling would be gone.

I have to do it.

I lay my arm on the desk and position the blade at the top of my wrist. I can already feel the pressure. Then I press it down and cringe as it cuts into my flesh. It stings a little but it feels good. It's something I can control. Pain that I can inflict on myself rather than someone else doing it.

Someone like Emily.

That is all the encouragement I need. I repeat the process over and over, as many times as I can fit on my arm until blood is draining onto the desk.

I go into the bathroom and bandage it up. Then I get wet paper towel and clean up all the blood.

I stare at myself in my full length mirror and grimace. The girl staring back isn't me. Her hair hangs limp and colorless and she looks gaunt and fragile. Like a ghost.

At least it isn't who I used to be.

But now this is me. I'm a ghost. And I hate myself for it.

And I hate this house. This big stupid house that's so empty with just me in it. Especially this new, ghost version of me.

Emily's POV

I'm at the mall with Hanna. She's been a big comfort to me with Ali and without her I would be ruined.

I'm still seething mad at Alison for what she did to me, but mostly I'm just hurt. For a second I had thought she changed but she's still the same old Alison. All that matters to her is her

"Emily, are you okay?"

I look over at Hanna and smile as best I can. "Fine."

"No you aren't." She sighs angrily. "It's that bitch, isn't it?" She shakes her head. "I knew we should've never helped her. We should've let her stay on the run!"

I gasp. "Hanna! If it weren't for her we'd all be dead. She saved our lives multiple times!"

"Why are you defending her?!" Hanna asks angrily. "You're the one she hurt!"

"I don't know..." And I really don't know. Sometimes I wish I never met Ali because no matter how many times I tell myself she doesn't love me, and no matter how much I hate her I can't get away from her. Not mentally. She's always there in my mind, telling me I love her.

"Come on, Em." Spencer says, linking her arm in mine. "Let's buy some clothes. It'll help you feel better."

I nod and we go in to Forever 21.

I pick up a pair of black skinny jeans, a grey, v-neck t-shirt, a black and white varsity jacket, a black snapback and black combat boots. It's a whole outfit and what I usually wear.

Hanna looks over at me. "Em, really? Why don't you expand your style? Just this once?"

I sigh and put the jacket, shirt and jeans back. I pick up a flowing black and white dress that stops at the knees.

"Perfect." Hanna giggles. She holds up a dark blue, skin-tight dress. "How does this look?"

I smile enthusiastically. "Hanna that'll look great! Let's go try these on."

She nods and we hurry over to the dressing room.

Once I get in I lock the door and take off my sneakers, jeans and shirt.

I stare at myself in the mirror. I look so sad.

Why do I look that sad?

Is it because I don't have her?

Do I miss her that bad?

I look at my reflection one last time and shake my head. I can't have these thoughts. I hate Alison and I can't think about her anymore. She's dead to me, like I said before.

I put on the dress, zipping it up and slip on the combat boots. My reflection blinks back at me as I smooth the dress down. It's okay.

I walk out to show Hanna.

When she sees me, her jaw drops.

I look at it self consciously. "What? Is it that bad?"

She shakes her head. "It's so hot. Wear it to school tomorrow?"

I smirk and nod. "If it's that great..."

AN: SHAY SMIRKING IS THE DEATH OF ME! EARLY UPDATE AYYE! Anyway chapter two is here and poor Ali... She is so upset. :( School is happening next chapter and it's Ali's first day back so it'll be really hard for her without her friends. I'm gonna try and update every Saturday and it might be more than that but at the least, once a week every Saturday. There will always be a Saturday update unless something happens and I can't update. The song is by Young The Giant Bye guys!

- G. Schreiber

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