Breathe Me

Dear Sister

*Trigger Warning*

Dear sister, can you help me lie?
I've told the truth so many years
No one seems to want to hear that
I'm not someone else inside
I've been along this lonely road
Looks like I'm not coming home
But I don't mind
Please don't cry.

Alison's POV

I can't breathe. I feel like I'm drowning. I keep slicing up my wrists but it's not helping this time. Nothing is helping.

I can't get their voices out of my head.

What's with the stutter, Bitchzilla?

Oh look the bitch is back from the dead.

She looks okay... For a zombie.

I wonder what hell is like... Well I guess we can ask Alison! She's been there!

No one wants you here!

You deserved everything you got.

You are a terrible person and you are worthless.

And there is not one person in this town that likes you.

Fuck you.

We hate you.

You're nothing, Alison DiLaurentis.

"I'm nothing." I sob to myself. "I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I'm nothing."

I look up to my ceiling as I sob with my knees pulled up to my chest.

"Mommy..." I cry. "I really, really need you."

I'm surrounded in a pool of my own blood and I barely feel anything.

"Mommy I don't know how this is gonna get better. Everyone hates me. And I hate myself. And it's my fault that you're dead. Please come back. Please come help me. Please come take me away from this place."

I put my face down in my knees. "I'm worthless. I'm nothing. Everyone hates me. I deserved everything that I got. No one likes me."

I look back up. "Mommy I can't stay here. I can't stay here. And if you won't come get me I'm coming to you."

I let my head fall back against the wall. "I'm coming mommy."

I walk to my desk and pick up my pen and a piece of loose-leaf paper.

I write it all out. Everything I'm feeling. And it's all for her. The one person in this world that I care about; Emily.

I'm not even aware of what I'm writing, it just seems as though my thoughts are flowing directly from my pen. And I don't even know what the letter says until I read it over. It's messy and some parts don't quite make sense, but it's the best representation of my mind, which is also a mess.

I stand and look at myself in the mirror. Me with my wrists that are crusted with blood. Me in a tank top and leggings. Me with my mussed hair. Is this girl really me?

Not for long.

I walk the couple blocks to Emily's street and knock on her door, praying she opens it.

I wait a few minutes when the door flies open and there she stands, in sweatpants and a t-shirt looking angry but still gorgeous.

"What the hell are you doing here Alison?" She grunts. "Especially past midnight?!"

But her anger doesn't affect me. I'm a blank slate. Numb to emotions.

I reach out my arm with a robot motion. "This is for you."

She snatch it. "Why should I read this?"

I shrug. "You don't have to. I just thought you might want to."

"Fine. But not until you leave, okay?"

"Goodbye, Emily." I smile slightly. "I'll see you... Someday." Then I turn around and walk back down the street.

Emily's POV

I furrow my brow. As I watch her walk away, her letter in my hand.

I yawn as I close the door and go back up to my room. I sit on my bed and open the letter. The writing is smudged from tears.

Dear Em,

That day in the library I wanted to kiss you so bad, but you beat me to it. I saw fireworks. It was the best kiss I'd ever had and I wanted to do it again. I knew I loved you.

Then in the locker room when you kissed my shoulder it felt so good and I wanted to savor it but I was scared. So scared. I was scared of what my family would think. I was scared of what the rest of Rosewood would think. I was just scared. And I'm sorry I hurt you, but it wasn't just a game.

I hate myself. All those things that you and the girls have been saying are true. I'm a horrible person.

It's my fault my mom is dead. A was my fault. I'm a bitch. I'm worthless. Nobody loves me. I can't stand to come home to an empty house anymore. It hurts me and I hate it.

I hurt myself everyday, Em. I'm sure you know what I mean. It feels good. It's something I have control over. It's pain I can inflict on myself instead of you. Because even though I am worthless and awful... It still hurts to hear it. Especially from you.

My life has no meaning. I don't belong here. I want my mom. I'm going to see my mom again.

Everything hurts, Em. It hurts so bad. I need help. I feel like I'm drowning every time I see you. I can't breathe and it hurts. Seeing you hurts. Thinking about you hurts because I know I could never have you. And I know you hate me. But I can't stop thinking about you. And I can't stop hearing your voice in my head, telling me how worthless I am.

And I only know one way to shut it up. I only know one way to see my mom. One way to be able to breathe. One way to stop the hurt.

And that's to end it all.

So... Goodbye, Em.

Love,
Ali

I gasp and jump up. This is all my fault. She's going to kill herself. She's gonna die.

I throw on my shoes and dash out the door before I can even process the whole thing myself.

I have to save her. Before it's too late.

AN: 😞😞😞 Yes Ali is attempting suicide. Hope you liked this. Love you. Song is by a band called The Pretty Reckless.

- G. Schreiber

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