As Easy As Murder

30. Bowling with hearts

I jolted awake to the sound of my phone ringing in the back of Kori's car with no Kori in it. 

It's not what you think.

Actually, I don't know if it's what you think because I don't remember.

All I know is the light didn't stop after Pizza Palooza. 

And the night didn't stop after the first shot of alcohol either. 

I don't remember a lick of what Kori told me in the arcade, the fine bottle acting as a mental eraser. 

I flipped my knotted hair over my shoulders, sitting up, the sound of my phone ringing feeling like it's at 1,000 decibels. "Ahhh..god, I'm an alcoholic." 

I check the caller I.D. Jesse. 

"Hey!" he answers, sounding like he had a much more peaceful night than I did. I just respond with a half-deceased groan. He just laughs cheerfully, and I groan, feeling jealous. My head is pouding like a woodpecker is pecking at the insides of my skull. 

He continues, disregarding the fact that I sound barely conscious. "Look, I need your help. I am really struggling with this wedding planning so I was wondering if we could meet up to talk about it? You're just so good at color coordination and looking at my closet, good god I am NOT."

I sigh, "Yeah, fine. Where do you want to go?"

"The bowling alley, we can grab a slice of pizza." 

I throw up a little in my mouth at a mention of consuming something, my stomach threatening self-injury, but I remain calm, knowing that Jesse will give me a lecture if he finds out I've been out on the town with Mr. Nerd instead of in my dorm studying for my upcoming mid-term exams. 

"Yeah...yeah, great. Let me just get my life together and I'll be there in an hour."

We say our goodbyes and hang up, and I set out on my quest of finding Loretta. In my foggy memory of how last nights events played out, I remember Anthony almost dying at his first shot of light tequila, then Loretta turning up the whole bottle. 

Since she obviously took a bigger hit than I did, I know she must've not gotten too far, and is probably dying of a migraine somewhere. 

I stumble out of Kori's car, looking around like an indoor cat tha just scored running out the door and seeing the outdoors for the first time. I look around the steady new york traffic, wondering if Loretta got ran over or something.

I try Kori 3 times, but it all rings to voicemail, and his voicemail is fully in French, so I have no idea what it says. No texts, no emails, nothing. Rage burns in my stomach but is quickly overuled by the acid reflux from the copious amount of 'something stronger' my liver took in last night. 

Then I saw her trying to wave down a cab, still completely out of it. "Loretta!" I run over, and she just raises a shoulder in response, her curls puffed out into a colassol frizzy mess.

"My head feels like it's slowly collapsing in." She groans, falling down onto me.

"Do you have any clue where Kori went?"

She sighed. "I remember him saying something about an uber."

I sigh in releif, yet also anger. So he gets in a uber and safely rides home in his little dreamy world, then leaves me unconsious in his unlocked car to get kidnapped and die? I scoff at his audacity, then assist Loretta in waving down a cab.

We slip into the sleek yellow vehicle, and I tell the cab to take us to the dorm so I can get Loretta into bed and take my zombie self to the bowling alley to assist Jesse in his wedding planning, meanwhile I also need to confront Kori about leaving me to the wolves. I can't wait to hear his excuse.

We make it to the dorm in no more than a couple of peices, considering Loretta is for some reason without footwear and my dress is ripped 2 inches shorter, which I vaguely remember doing while standing on a table, while Kori glared at me and sweared inbetwern hissing at me to get down from there. 

Loretta flops down on the bed and I get her her meds, then send her to the shower. 

In the time that she's freshening up, I get myself together. I comb out my rats nest hair, touch up my heavily smudged make-up, and change into some reasonable clothes; well, the closest thing, none of my clothes are reasonable. 

Loretta emerges from the shower and flops onto the bed like a dead fish.

"I have to go help Jesse. Stay at the dorm today, right?" I look over my shoulder as I throw my purse over my shoulder. 

"Noooo." She whines, grabbing onto my arm. 

I roll my eyes and drop my purse, sitting next to her. She snuggles up to me, immediately snoring louder than a foghorn. I wait a couple of minutes until she's dead asleep, and slip out like a parent who's sleep training their toddler. 

I flag down another cab, my head still aching, when Cheryl walks up to me. 

"Goodness gravy, sweetheart. What happened to you?"

"You can tell?" I sigh.

"Honey, you look like one of those darn racoons that's in my garbage at night with those smudgy eyes, are you alright, sugar?"

"I had quite a night," I mumble, bringing a hand to my forehead. "And Kori didn't make sure I got home safely. It's left a pit in my stomach."

She shakes her head, "Honey, a man like that ain't nun. You better confront him, and if you don't want to, best believe I will, and Cheryl can put you in peril."

I laugh. An idea pops into my head. Cheryl is a wise old southern woman who has probably seen a wedding or two In her day, and is way more qualified, experienced, and less hungover than I am. I'd be a fool not to enlist her help in my predicament. 

"Could you do me a favour?"

"Anything, doll. Anything legal, that is." She chuckles. 

"Is there any way you can help me help my friend plan a wedding?"

Her eyes lit up, her bun almost shooting off of her head in excitement.  She claps her hands together, "Of course honey. My Mama was a wedding planner up until she retired, and you best believe I picked up a couple of tips and tricks along the way. Let's plan this wedding!"

I smile, "Great, then we're meeting her at the bowling alley."

We flag down that cab and get in, going down to the bowling alley. 

We pull up Infront of the flashing sign and head in, the dimly lit environment reminding me of my awful escapades and somewhat betrayed from my man-that-isn't last night. I cringe. 

We scan the alley for Jesse and find him getting a slice of pizza. 

We all take a seat towards the back. The floors sparkle. Couples giggle as they  get multiple strikes in a row. The loud sound of the 10-pound balls rolling down the stall fills the space, laughter and joy shooting through the establishment. 

I have to cover my mouth with my fist to keep from puking as Jesse goes to town on my pizza, which god knows I couldn't eat, and Cheryl just laughs. I shoot her a side-eye as Jesse comes up from his pizza to say something. 

"So, I'm thinking black petunias." He puts his arms up, mapping out his proposal as he described the plans he's come up with so far. "Then we're going to do this elaborate skit for the reception."

Cheryl raises an eyebrow, "Honey, a weddin' is a serious occasion."

Jesse laughs, "You haven't met me. I want people wasted at my funeral." We all laugh at that, but mine is cut short by trying not to barf up a kidney. God, how much did I drink last night? Did I get roofied? 

We stand up and mosey over to the bowling station as Jesse continues relaying his vivid fantasies of what he wants his big day to be like. Cheryl picks up a navy blue ball and sends it rolling, immediatly knocking em' out with a strike first go. 

I cheer for her and she does a victory dance, "Oh yeah, Cher Cher's still got it! I was on a bowling league in my college days, AKA the jurassic era. I may not have been very tall, but man could I get that ball rolling." Cheryl reminisces, eyes lighting up with the memories of her youth. 

"Why didn't you persue it?" I send my marbel ball rolling and knock down a whopping one pin. Wow, way to strut your athleticism. 

She shakes her head, "I met my husband and the only balls I was working with were the Italian meat kind."

Jesse runs up to throw his ball and falls flat on his back. Cheryl and me both wince in synch, then both rush over to help him up. 

We forgot the floor situation and all ended up on the ground in 3 stooges mannor. We all sit up at the same time, laughing hysterically. All that movement didn't compliment my hangover and I had to haul my cookies to the bathroom, then spilled 'em. 

After I was done cleaning out my intestines, I washed up to the best of my ability, but I still looked like I snuck out of the morgue. My phone rings loudly, blasting my sickly eardrums and causing me to have to run back into the stall for round 2, Averen Vs. her own choices. 

I answer the phone, "Uh-huh?"

"Hey, It's Anthony. Kori gave me your number, buckaroo! He told me what you did. What's wrong with you, huh?" 

I shake my head in confusion. "What? He's mad at me? He basically left me for dead." 

He hangs up on me and I'm left bewildered. What I did? WHAT I DID? The candle of rage in my soul explodes with pure ire and wrath, and with a quick goodbye and a 'get em' girl' from Cheryl, I'm on my way.

My cab driver is afraid to speak as we charge through the city back towards the doorm. I feel like I'm heading to a match against the governor in an old western, and have to hold my tongue from saying giddy up to the driver like he's a horse. 

I make it to the dorm and I'm a woman possessed, a demon has taken over my judgement, and everying is getting the best of me, my skin literally hot to the touch from drunken fury and outrage. 

I stomp up the stairs with the sounds of a giant, the usual hello's I recieve coming out timid and meek. Even Ian, who was smoking in the stairwell, looks like he's seen bloody Mary. 

I arrive at the sleeping quarters of the victim, fist to door with the force of a police officer, the confidence of someone with a gun in their belt, completely sure that I would punch his face in, prepared to boast about my actions to Loretta afterwords, so hype to stand up for myself and get the justice I deserve. 

Then he opened the door. 

It was like the seen from frosty. 

My being melted into a puddle of water on the floor, leaving some left over vomit and my stilletos only. 

"I....." I trail off. My knees are wobbly, my heart is mush, and the only memories playing in my head are the good ones. The kiss, the arcade, the snarky exchanges. I can't remember what I'm mad at him for. The fuel, the outrage fizzles out with the sound of a deflating balloons. 

He just raises an eyebrow. "Are you here to apologize, Averen?"

"Pardon?" It all came back, an avalanche. My fists clench. 

He seems confused. "The things you said..?"
 
I shrink, my body shriviling into an empty shell of a woman engraged, just clenched fists without a plan, just white knuckles with no reflex, dead. 

"You left me in the back of your car."

He sighs, "You wouldn't get out. I tried everything. I tried dragging you, but you left this one on me." He pointed to his arm where lyed a deep, nasty human bite mark. My eyes widen. 

"I did..that?"

"You also cussed me out."

"Oh."

I stand there, feelings conflicting. 

I've kicked and screamed, bit and yelled, shrieked and pinched, trying to deny the fact that I came into this world with clenched fists, and will go out that way. But there's no denying it. I have the beginning signs of tendonitis in my arms and there's a couple dents on the wall of my childhood bedroom that were no mistake. 

I look down. "I...I'm sorry...I think someone slipped something in my daquiri." 

He sighed, "Yeah, maybe..."

I chewed my lip, feeling small, tiny. A bug under his shoe, a fly buzzing around his ears, the Averen that once cared about no ones dissapointment crumbling under the sharp gaze of his dissaprovel. 

He opened his arms. 

I shook my head, "I'm um...I'm gonna go home." 

He shook his head back and kept his arms open, widening his wingspan. I rolled my eyes and walked into them, embracing the hug, the smell of his cologne recussitating me from my raisened state, my casket-ready condition. 

I smile a goodbye, which he returns. 

"Don't bite me again unless it's on my neck, alright?" He shouts down the hall as I walk away. 

I scoff, "You animal."

"Hey, which one of us is taking chunks out of arms, Mon cheri?" 

I get all the way to my dorm before I register what his lips just uttered. Darling? 

I'm in the middle of the main area of the dorm when I assault Loretta's eardrums with my squeal, causing her to jump up from a sound sleep, gasping for air. 

I run around the dorm like a dog with zoomies, humility having left the room. 

"Av?"

I turn to look at Loretta, a sheepish grin on my face. "Uh...yeah?" 

"Did you win the lottery?"

I shake my head. 

"Then shut up."

I roll my eyes, "So I can't be happy unless there's something in it for you?" 

"Yup."

A letter is slid under the dorm door and I walk over, picking it up. Pink ribbons are glued to the outside of the envelope, glitzy stickers all over the surface of the back. We exchange looks, there's only one person you it could be. 

'Felicity here! The whole campus is cordially invited to my 20th birthday party at an AirBNB on 234 Righteous street this saturday. There will be a variety of luxurious ameneties such as an indoor pool, hot tub, and actual spa. No horsing around, everyone must act civilized and proper or Jetson, the security yard, will be more than happy to escort you to the door. 

Felicity Simon.'


"Ugh, is she serious?" My mouth is left agape by the nature of the invitation. And why did she invite me after our clear rivalry over the sweater-vest wearing poltergeist we both admire on a daily basis. 

"Seriously, who writes letters anymore?"

I glare at Loretta. "No you don't understand-she-....nevermind." I grumble. 

"We're going, right?"

I facepalm at her. "Did you escape the psych ward?"

She smirks. "Come on, Averen. The Averen I know and occasionally love wouldn't miss an opportunity to run a muck for the world."

I roll my eyes, "What about Jedi or whatever his name is?"

"I'd be more than happy to escort him to the nearest bed." Loretta winks. 

I lean back. "What if he's bald?"

"More real estate for my tongue."

If I wasn't nauseous already from last night's randevous, I sure am now. 

Someone come pray over this unholy dorm. 

And Lord, protect me from the force of Kori's smirk. 

Amen.