The courting trap

Written Words

I haven't spoken to Nicholas in two days, he even asked much as slept in a separate room. I have barely spoken Estelle either, every time I ran into her she would act as if I weren't there, she didn't even as much as look at me.

Dinner was as quiet as the last few dinners. Nicholas at one end of the long table, and me on the opposite side. We ate in pure silence, I ate less than usual since I could only bare the awkwardness for so long.

I once again push my chair from underneath me, "I'm full. Thank you for dinner, I'm heading to bed now." It had been a while since I heard my own voice, it hitched in my throat as I spoke. I then headed towards my chamber, it was only seven in the evening, but I wanted the days to go by as fast as possible, so I stayed in bed longer in the mornings and headed to bed earlier in the evenings.

When I shut the door behind me and once again the only sound I heard were the sounds I made, I decided this is not a way I could live. Something had to chance and though I don't like to, I had to be the one to initiate the conversations.

For once the quiet room was beneficial, it allowed me to think clearly on how I had to approach this.

With Estelle it was simple, my plan was to explain to her she was right and that I confronted Nicholas about it.

The only thing I had to do was find her. In my white nightgown and with a candleholder in my hand I stalked along the hallways. I knocked in her doors and it didn't take long before it creaked open.

She didn't say a word before turning around and heading inside. I followed her, closing the door behind me myself. She continued brushing her hair with her back towards me as she sat on a stool. Not further acknowledging me.

I cleared my throat. "I confronted Nicholas about it, and as you might have noticed, it did not go that well."

She dropped her brush on the dressing table she was sitting at. "I hadn't." She stated as she turned towards me. "Go on."

"I told him I was not capable of leaving all the things he did behind me, without a sincere apology."

"And what was his response to that?" Her questions show me she's interesting, yet the curiousness does not match her attitude. Her arms are crossed and her face emotionless.

"He told me that it went both ways since I burned his letters."
"So?"
"Of his Mother."
"And..?"
"She died."

"Oh..." she turns back around and continues brushing her hair, in the small mirror I see that she's deep in thought, processing my words. "And what now?"

"I'm not sure. But that's not why I'm here, I came to thank you." I fumble with my fingers, her being upset at me made me feel insecure. I did not know how to talk to her in this scenario, she'd never been mad at me before, or at least not that I knew of.

"Thank...me?" She turns around again, her eyebrows raised. "For what exactly?"

"For opening my eyes, I did not want to hear it at that time, but you were right. He had done things I shouldn't move past that quickly, but you need to understand I did unforgivable things too. I just don't want to spend the rest of our marriage pointing fingers at each other, you see? I agree that I should have talked things out with him, which is why I confronted him, but I must ask you to try and understand I won't spend the rest of my days angry at him for the things he did. I want to move on for both of our sakes." I repeat the words I practiced beforehand many times.

"I see." Her eyes meet the floor. "Well, I guess you're welcome." She smiles up at me.

I chuckle, reaching out for her hand to pull her up and give her a big embrace. "Let's never fight again." I mumble with my cheek smushed against the side of her head.