Bullied by my lover

Was it love

4 years later...
Dear Brenda,
I know that I made a mistake once and that was bulling you..And I should of never betrayed you. Back in college Becky told me you had cheated on me, and I'm Jack I'm stupid I believed her..I broke up with you and made myself promise that I wasn't going to let you in my life anymore for any reasons so I started bulling you again..Becky actually lied well you know that already but she actually cheated on me and laughed in my face I know it's to late for me to turn to you.. And I know I am seriously the stupidest person on earth for believing such a lie but please know that my love for you never stopped I don't expect you to come back to me well not that you can but I really wanted you to be happy..I Jack Gilinsky will never be happy now that I sit here in my old room looking at all the nice memories we had I have dreams of us and I wake up crying cause I ruined you I ruined our relationship which hurts the most but I'm not good for you and I never will I'm deeply sorry I don't know who to go to..my parents make me go to therapy ever since you left I wish things didn't go this way I wish they where different I wish you would have had the family you wanted and the happy ending you prayed for but I made your ending sad and painful and I'm sorry for that I wish I could give my life to you,just to have you in this world I don't care if I wouldn't be able to have you I want to see you happy and now all I have to see is your grave and the beautiful memorial wall they built you I'm sorry I was the cause of your death I should have stopped you tried it once and you tried it twice the only difference is that the second time you succeeded. I'm truly sorry for the way you left I hate myself so much for it..I sit here writing letters to you and they will just end up on my personal memory wall I have for you. I still send you texts messages hoping one day you'll answer but I know you won't so this is good bye for good..i love you forever and ever you will always be the love of my life and I didn't appreciate you enough..i love you Brenda underwood and I will never stop loving you.

Sincerely
Jack gilinsky
Your bully but also your lover <3
xoxoxxoxox