Physician of Myddfai

Chapter 20

  Once outside the room everything was still and quiet. No noise could be heard coming from the hall. Everyone must have already gone to rest. Grateful that no one would be able to see her in that state, Megan walked shakily toward her room.

Tears blurred her vision. Not one, however, furrowed her face. She pushed them all back in. She would not cry for someone like William. How could she have trusted him?

Disappointment burned inside her like a hot ember. Not only had she not been believed, but she had also been humiliated as a woman.

Megan tried to draw some comfort from the color emanating from the flames in her bedroom's fireplace.

The chill, which she felt all the way down to her bones, however, would not leave her. She undressed, and hurriedly put on her night gown. How had she gotten herself into this situation?

How could she have been so foolish as to be charmed by William de Clare? Yet, it had been immediately clear what kind of man he was with women! Besides, had she not long since given up on romance and love? She knew all too well that it was a feeling precluded to her because of the fact that men, in her presence: were either in awe, or felt their authority threatened.

But why be so cruel? That he enjoyed confusing, disorienting and humiliating her for some obscure reason? Whatever the reason for his behaviour had been, it made him a dangerous man. To be infatuated with someone like him would only bring trouble. She had always managed to escape the imprisonment of the heart that many women inflicted on themselves for a man, deliberately. Her heart had never bled for anyone, and she would not allow it to begin now. Or at least, she would try, aware of the fact, that it would be arduous, and that the possibility of failing miserably would be high.

The most important thing now was to understand what the vision meant. Was she really destined to meet death soon? And was Lord Richard dead or alive?

Mulling over this and other thoughts, Megan eventually fell asleep.

The next morning William got up incredibly early. He still had not been able to sleep much that night. Remorse for his treatment of Megan had haunted him the whole time. He had done it for her sake, but this realization did not make him feel any better. And he had certainly dealt with it in the wrong way. At that moment he stood at the door of his father's study.

He absolutely had to talk to him, and despite the hour, he knew, he would most likely find him there.

The Earl, in fact, slept little, and as soon as he could he took refuge in his favorite room. William had to discuss what to do in consequence of the previous day's assault, how to end that situation concerning Rosalind, and then he wanted clear explanations about Megan. From there, he would not leave until his father gave him full explanations this time.

Megan..., he wonders if she had been able to get some rest? When she had left her room the other night, she had been upset. And she could well understand that.

William shook his head vigorously.

He had to stop dwelling on what had happened. He had acted at that moment for the best and now there was no point in having second thoughts. As soon as he had finished talking with his parent, he would seek her out to clarify. He clenched his jaws and with a significant effort tried, at that juncture, to banish from his heart any feelings about her.

She had returned to being a constant presence in his mind. Years of struggling to exclude her from his thoughts and... now...he was back where he started. Only now he was a man, and she was a woman. A wonderful woman.

He breathed deeply, straightened his shoulders, and with a firm gesture knocked on the door of the count's small study. From inside he heard his father's firm, authoritative voice saying, <<Come in! >>.