are we still friends? [hbh]

(023) "men feel hard"

- ۪۪̥˚┊❛men feel hard❜┊˚͙۪۪̥◌
s2 : e3 the feelings pit

ANT

"DID SIR SAY HOW big the whole has to be?" Malakai asks from across the pit, my hand reaching up to wipe a bead of sweat from off my forehead. We had been digging in this soil for a while now, and I was quickly becoming bored.

However, I was grateful for the distraction it had given me, from everything that had happened yesterday. I'd tried to call her this morning, watching as my phone kept ringing however no answer came my way instead reaching her voicemail.

"Hey, it's Akila, or Ki if you actually know me. Leave a message after the beep or don't I couldn't care either way." Her voice replayed in my head as I had listened to it, the closest I would likely get to speaking to her any time soon.

I knew I had fucked up, the moment I heard a gasp I knew it was her. I knew everything about her.

"For you, it doesn't have to be big, eh?" Spider responds to Malakai, knocking against his arm as he puts his fingers in the arm, a small gap between them. Although it would normally be something I would laugh at, right now I didn't find it funny. I couldn't find anything funny.

"Oh, yeah perfect for your tiny tool, eh, Spider?" Rowan retaliates back at him, Spider rolling his eyes. I don't miss the way Malakai's eyes meet mine as he looks over at me, a frown covering his face before he continues to dig the soil at the sound of Voss's voice appearing behind us. "Come on fellas get your backs into it. My mother worked harder in her nursing home community garden. God rest her soul." He tells us as he comes to stand on the edge of the pitch.

"Sir, no offence, but what exactly are we doing?" Malakai asks him. "Other than breaking child labour laws?" Rowan jokes, clearly less enthusiastic about being here unlike the rest of us.

"Are we digging our own graves? I'm not really into that." I groan as I shovel out another spoon of soil, although right now I definitely deserve to be digging my own grave.

"Oi! If you're not a little bitch, quit bitching and dig." Spider tells us, causing me to roll my eyes. Ever since Voss had convinced him to start the 'Cumlords' he had hung onto the teacher's every word. Akila had made it clear to me how much she didn't like Voss, talking about his patriarchal views but it was only now that I was starting to see it.

"I've gathered you all here 'cause I wanna talk to you about pain. We know what it's like. We're used to being strong, having to act tough like we don't feel pain, but I know men and men feel." He begins to tell us, grabbing all our attention before speaking again. "Men feel hard."

Watching as he stands on the wooden border he walks onto the soil and across the pit. "Now this hole is a judgement-free hole. Whatever it is that's bothering you, that's too painful or too difficult or too scary to say out loud, write it down because today lads is all about burying our feelings." He tells us, Spider beginning to pass around small white sheets of paper.

Sitting on the grass, I stare at the blank page thinking of what to write. Turning around I see the girls walking onto the oval behind us, my eyes searching through them all for Akila but I come up empty. Her lack of appearance within the group is obvious. It would never take me long to find her, as though she was a magnet to my eyes. I had a constant urge to grow closer towards her.