As Easy As Murder

17. curls, girls, and pearls

A little painting captures my attention, a guy with glasses sadly leaning over a table, a stack of books almost to the ceiling next to him, his hair messy and snarled. And it reminds me of Kori. 

Loretta is now modeling some shades, hot pink heart sunglasses perched on her nose. "I think this is my look." She starts writhing around on the floor seductively while mumbling the lyrics of Like A Prayer.  I rup my temples. 

"Does being in public mean anything to you?" My hands fall to my sides. 

"Nah, not reall-" She goes to stand up and her arm hits a vase, "Oh shoo-" It wobbles, threatening to topple over, and she catches it, falling backwards almost comically, endeding up holding the vase like a baby, her sunglasses having become diagnal across her face. I laugh so hard I start to wheeze, and an elderly couple stares at us like we sweared in church. 

Once we've gathered ourselves, we've each picked up a few little items to take home. Loretta's consisting of a ceramic sea turtle, the sunglasses she so gracefully modeled, and a little dog couple kissing because it reminded her of lady and the tramp. 

I got a picture frame with cats in various poses around the edges, one on each corner, and a vintage metal lunch box with Betty Boop on it.  

We make it to the front of the store, putting our items on the counter, a lady with a put out cigarette in her mouth scanning them. Loretta is jamming out to the 80's music on the speakers, absolutely nailing the moonwalk to..not a Micheal Jackson song, but still. 

We load ourselves back into the car, and get a call from Janey as we drive to a local restaurant. I answer. 

"Hey.." She sniffles, and we exhange a glance, Loretta making a face to depict how she feels about this by holding up her nose and sticking her tongue out. I nod in agreement. 

"What's up?" I hand the phone to Loretta, and she puts it on speaker. 

"Collin..." Her voice is reduced to a low whimper, the pain evident. "He hit me." 

Loretta's eyebrows shoot up and she starts punching the air and silent screaming. I start gripping the wheel so tightly that my knuckles are white, and I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck sticking up. "God damn it, Janey. Do you need us to come over and beat his ass?" 

"Bishop already did. He's, uh, he's not gonna be hitting me again. Or hitting anyone again. Or holding a pencil again." 

Loretta nods, holding her fist out for a bump, and I reciprocate. Our anger quickly dissipates in to concern, remembering how Janey must be feeling. We all prediced this. We all saw the signs, and read them aloud to her, but she was blind with love. 

"I never thought he'd do this.." She sighs. I can hear classical music in the background. I know Janey's parents are total classical music fans, so I assume she's gone there, I feel relieved and gratitude that she got out of that jerks house. 

Eventually Janey hung up because she needed time alone, and we got to a local soul food resteraunt, Allison's. We got out of the car, heading in, a delicious smell immediately hitting our nostrils and making our stomachs growl. 

We order our food at the counter, then sit down at a booth, sliding onto the rubber seats. Old scraps of newspapers are framed on the walls, the 50's atmosphere lifting the mood from where it was from that phonecall, Charlie Drake blasting on the speakers. 

"I didn't know you ate fish." I remark at Loretta's sudden diatary change. She claimed that she's 'fish vegan' because fish don't have the means to defend themselves. But now she's ordered a filet fish sandwich. 

She shakes her head. "I don't. That guy was hot. I ordered the first thing I saw." 

I look over at the guy who took our orders, and see that he is infact under the category of 'Loretta victim'. He tapping two forks against the counter to the beat of the song, tapping his feet, tongue sticking out of his mouth, cap worn backwards. He's a total blast from the past, I know Loretta's all over it. 

Our food comes, and I push around the chicken on my plate while I listen to some conspiracy theory Loretta says she and Jesse and came up with, "So, to conclude, goldfish crackers are called goldfish because you eat them in your golden years." 

"I think they're just gold." 

She shrugs, waving me off. 

I take out my compact mirror, fidgeting with my hair. I seem to always look...not my best lately. I never really thought about it before. I just...never cared about my appearance. I knew I was hot. I still do know I'm hot. I just seem to be forgetting lately. "Dude, I look like I've been through a dishwasher or something." 

"Just be glad no one told you that you look like the damn mucinex mascot." 

I laugh until my face is red and my eyeliner is smudged, and Loretta curses under her breath, shaking her head and making her curls bounce. 

My phone chimes, and I expect it to be mom with her daily check-ups, but it's from Kori. I click on his contact name, expecting it to be about the case, because he has to send me at least 9 reasons why there's no way my leads are correct 9 times a day, but it's not. 

I read the text a bunch of times over, perplexed. Loretta notices. "What is it?" 

"Uhh..Kori texted.." I show her, and her face scrunches in confusion too. 

'What do you want me to do, Matt? Throw you a party? Oh, woohoo, your relationship is so healthy, I'll bake you some cupcakes and kiss your ass. Is that what you want? Leave me alone.' 

I respond with a question mark and immediately get like 27 apology texts, saying that was for his older brother. I try to follow up, asking him what their beef is about. Of course I don't care abou his business, but i'd never miss out on a chance to bug him. He signed up for this the minute the commented on my clothes 2 months ago. I'm a grudge holder. 

Donny Micheas from kindergarten, I remember that time you lied that it was me who peed on the story rug. I've been praying on your downfall every night for 14 years, and I don't intend to stop. 

Just as we're about to leave the diner, the guy that took are order stops me. 

"Is your friend single?" He whispers, smiling nervously. Well today just got more interesting. 

I nod. 

"She seems so classy and sweet..you think she'd want my number?"

God, how many times am I going to laugh to tears today?

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Sitting in the beanbag behind Cheryl's desk, I feel like her toddler she had to bring to work. I've been ranting about every single person in my life for 20 minutes, and she's been listening to every word, armed with sassy comebacks. She's become my roll model.

"Honey, you betta neva loose that attitude. Lord knows I never lost mine. You don't let anyone bring you down. As long as your outfit looks good, and your heart is big, you're winning." 

I take the advice to heard and write it on my mental sticky-note. I stand up from my beanbag, standing next to her, "Thanks, Cheryl. It's been really nice to have you hear as a mentor." 

"Hunny, trust me, I can give some good advice to others, but I can not follow it for the life of me. After all, I'm still here, picking up my husbands shoes for him and having a new spat every other weekend. I might as well be flushing for him." 

So now it was my turn to listen to her rant. I listened, and listened, and then I stopped listening. I started thinking. Thinking about marriage. I think about Kori paying for me yesterday at the 711, the butterflies he gives me, the little mouthing thing we do. 

And speak of the devil, he walks in, holding his same binder, glasses perched on the edge of his nose. 

I run up to him, waving to cheryl, receiving a wink in return. 

"Sooo," I hop up and down, trying to be as annoying as possible. 

He puts his hand on my forehead and gently pushes me away, not even meeting my eyes, and walks off. 

That night I put a peice of tape over the Blondie posters eyes. 

And quesitioned my sanity. 

But at the end of the day,  I got a cat picture frame. 

A Betty Boop lunchbox. 

 An inferiority complex. 

And seen in public with Loretta. 

Real life Mucinex mascot for sale on Ebay, condition: weird, 4.99.