• A Blackbird's Serenade •

"The Wisp Sings"

~ One Week Later ~

Tiana

Here's the thing about doubt. Once it gets a hold of you, it's almost impossible to convince it to let you go.

I didn't want to doubt myself. I didn't want to doubt her... I didn't want to doubt we'd always have each other. That no matter what, we'd love one another, and face the challenges of life together... But overtime, my strength in that belief has begun to wither. Just as I thought it to be strong as a brick house.

Just as I thought our love for each other was enough. That we could withstand anything, so long as our hearts were in each other's hands.

I'm afraid though, that I may have been wrong. In more ways than one...

I heard their conversation that day in Ohio, between Angie and Journee. I was just about to walk inside the dressing room when I heard hushed voices speaking. And my stomach twisted as I heard Jounree speak in a tone that she only did when torn about something.

And Angie wasn't wrong. Journee's face is all over papers and television snippets now. People recognize her almost everywhere we go on the road.

Of course they're going to want to know everything about her, and about her life. And it'd probably kill her career faster than the speed of light if anyone knew about me.

No matter how much I love her, I refuse to do that to her. I won't jeopardize her dream, no matter how much it pains me to be away from her. I'd rather walk away before I ever let that happen.

Things between us have been tainted since that day, and it was to a fault of my own, I admit.

I can't help pulling away from her, because I couldn't believe how blind I'd been. That I didn't think of the catastrophic consequences if the wrong people found out about us. My parents were right, the world is anything but kind to this kind of love. And it'd kill me if it caused something that neither of us could take back.

So, I've been avoiding her.

But in a way, I think maybe she's been doing the same with me. I think Angie's words resonated with her just the same, and she was taking them into heavy consideration. Which I couldn't in any way blame her for, she's been striving for this since she was a little girl.

As much as it pains me, I understand.

There was no doubt in my mind that I love her. I'll love that woman until the day I die, that much I'm sure of.

But was I sure of everything regarding us now, as much as I was before? Did I think we'd make it out of this tour, hand in hand? Was I even sure that she loved me as much as I did her anymore? I don't know...

I was so sure before. But now...

And I couldn't bring myself to talk to her about it either, because what if any of my doubts were confirmed? What if she decided to do away with me and find a boyfriend for the sake of the public eye? What if she didn't think this relationship worth the risk? What if she stops loving me? Would it be better if she did??...

I couldn't handle if the answer was anything other than what I hoped. So, I've said nothing.

Indianapolis, Indiana is where we're at now. Jounree had gone to sit with Mickey while on the bus, since he's always had his own seat, so I used that as an excuse to tell Viv to come sit with me. The entire ride, none of us changed the arrangement. And even though it was all smiles and laughter between the group of us, hardly a word was said between Journee and I.