• A Blackbird's Serenade •

"Clair De Lune"

Journee

The taste of her ever so soft lips... Our shallow breaths intertwined as our lips engaged... The soft skin of her briefly exposed waist, beneath my fingertips... And the simple way in which she kissed me, as though she couldn't bear to be separated from me... As if she never wanted to be without me...

I don't believe I've ever felt something so intense in my life...much less writhed in the thrill of it.

Though it was all over now, for all I had was the potent memory of the immensely intimate moment we'd shared. It was now time to face reality again, forcing me to depart from such a blissful dream.

I had returned home, and braced myself when walking through the door.

"Where in the hell have you been?!" James immediately rushed up to me, his shouting voice causing me to jump and flinch. "It's nearly three in the morning Journee-"

"Me??" My eyes widened at him, utterly perplexed. "James, you left me! I had to get a ride home when you were nowhere to be found!"

He snatched at my arm, digging into the bruises already there. "You watch how the fuck you talk to me." Alcohol still laced his breath as his face neared mine, and I shunned away, biting my lip at the pain of my arm. "Who the hell you been with?"

"Nobody James... I finished later than usual, and I was talkin with Tiana and Coco before leavin-'"

"Who drove you here?"

"Tiana..." My eyes dragged from the floor to meet his, in my best efforts to conceal my anger. "Where were you?"

Aiming a glare at me, he then turned around to walk away with harshness, evidently stumbling. And it was to a great relief of mine, for I feared he'd simply strike my face again, and again... Tonight I simply haven't the strength to endure it.

I should've stayed with her...

"Get yo ass up here Journee-" he yelled from the top of the stairs, having me slightly jump at his voice again. "I ain't sayin' it twice either!"

Fear, anxiety, and trepidation settled deep within me, stirring a bare shake in my hands. Then with the release of a tender breath, I took my first step in the direction of the stairs. And with each stride, I disregarded my true feelings to construct fictitious ones, hoping it'd get me through the night.

James was in one of his 'states,' which meant I had to play it smart if I wanted to remain untouched. I had to bite my tongue and mask my true emotions with expressions that only consoled him; in hopes that he wouldn't hit me again, yell at me, or try taking advantage of me.

Whenever he was drunk, all of those things were an extreme possibility, which is also why he's not supposed to drink. It's only ever happened once before, where he lashed out on me due to intoxication. And once he realized what he'd done, he promised he wouldn't go near alcohol again. At the time, I was seventeen, and a year into our relationship. I had no one else to turn to and nowhere else to go. So I stayed.

As of now, I stay simply because I always have. Apparently that's what one does when they love someone, and James had been all I've ever known in that regard.

Until tonight...

Now, it was as if I was taken from the Earth, brushed of what has always been and what I've been taught, then reinserted as a brand new character. I felt as though I didn't know anything anymore, at least not like I thought I did.

Questions of every caliber had stirred within me, even without my permission, and were beginning to take me by storm. Nowadays I simply wandered, and wandered... and after tonight, I might just spin myself silly with the way my mind was starting to race. Everything I'd learned so far was useless now, having zero explanation for the things I was feeling.