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Stupid Vent Again :/

I wanna die.

I really seriously want to die.
I can't do anything right.

I have an awful attitude, no wonder I have no friends irl.

Life sucks. I just want to be happy. Genuinely happy.

I wish my Dad gave a fuck about me. I wish my parents were together. I wish my family was normal. Like the Ways. They're amazing.

But I'm just stuck here. I don't know what to do.

Everyone keeps telling me that it'll be okay, but I don't believe them.
Even if life DOES get better, I don't still wanna be living it.

I just want to die. I don't want to exist anymore.

I remember being 10 and begging God to just let me die. I don't want to live.

Ever since what happened with parents, I feel like my life has just kind of fell apart.

There's no way I'd tell my mother, I don't want her to think that she's a bad single parent.
She's not bad, she's the best Mom I could get but...

I just miss how it was 8 years ago. We were fine. My parents loved each other, my grandmother didn't die, my family was happy.

But now it feels like everything has fallen apart.
I just hate this.

I want to die already. I'm not goof enough. I wasn't a good enough daughter for my Dad to change.

I'm ugly too.
I can't stand my body.

I wear size 2 skinny jeans but I look in the mirror and I'm still a fatass ugly bitch.

God, I hate my arms. I'm so UGLY. My nose is ugly too, it has this stupid hump in it.

Like Lyn-Z's nose, but it looks good on her. Not me.

I'm just ugly.
I'm stupid.
I suck at everything.
I'm mean.
I'm rude.
I'm gay.
I'm not confident at all
I hate myself
I hate everything about me

No wonder nobody ever talks to me. I'm a freak.

My family sets expectations and I can't meet any of them.
I just want to be perfect.

But I'm not.

I wish I was good enough for my Dad. Good enough for him to care, for him to atleast call or send a card on my birthday.

But I'm not.

I wish I was good enough for my mother. I wish I was good a math and that I could get into that calculus class like she was able too.

But I can't.
I can't do anything right.

So who would give a fuck if I die?
Nobody.