More Shit

Rant/Vent (seriousness, ik, ew)

Yes I'm talking about this.

Duh, that's what the title says and yes I'm going to joke about it because that's the only way I can talk about something serious like this.

So.

Going into this I'm pretty nervous. I really need to talk about it, apparently.

That's what everyone tells me, "talk about your feelings"
"Talking makes things better"
But it feels like talking makes things worse.

It makes me feel like a failure or something. Like, I hurt people. If I just keep to myself, then everybody thinks I'm okay and they won't worry about me.

I'm not the kind of person who needs someone to cry about me. I hate the thought of other people being saddened over me.
I don't deserve that.

Don't waist your tears on me. But like, who would?

I've cried over other people, even complete strangers online who I don't even talk too.

They just talk about their feelings, like they wanna die and it makes me so fucking sad to know that there's people going through this too.

It makes me feel like it's my fault. I don't know why, and it's so weird.

I just want everyone to be okay.
I just want to save everyone.

But I can't.

I can't fucking save ANYONE and I hate it. I hate it so damn much. The world would be so much better without me in it. People would be so much more happier without me.

I'm a constant burden.
To everyone around.

I'm annoying, I'm jealous, I'm protective and it's so fucking stupid.
I can't love myself no matter how hard I try.

I try so hard to be this confident person online, but in reality I'm falling apart.
I hate myself so much.

I can't find a single thing I like about myself.

I hate me. I'm the reason everyone hates me I'm the reason for it all.

I'm the reason.

I'm the reason my parents split up, I'm the reason the fought all the time. I bet they were so in love and so happy before I came along.

Then there I came and I ruined everything.

Same thing with my friends. They're so happy talking and hanging out with one and other them WHAM, HERE I COME and fuck up everything.

I just want to die. I'm a constant failure. I'm expected to do so much but I can't live up to any expectations my family sets for me.

I'm just a stupid loser. I've always been so idiotic and I can't find anybody.

I've shut myself out my whole life because I've been afraid of being hurt.

I wish I wasn't like this.

I wish I was like everybody else, they're okay. They're happy with their lives. They don't want to die.

I try so hard to help everybody but I really don't even know how to help myself.

I'm alone. I wanna die so bad.
I wish the black parade was real, so I could just die and join that and be happy and dead.

I've tried killing myself countless amounts of times. It never fucking works, no matter what I do.

No matter what I try, it. Never. Works.

It's so annoying and I'm so sick of it. I'm just fucking stuck here on this hell hole of a fucking planet.

Just floating around in space on a huge ass rock🙄

All I can do is post this on here.
It's the only way I can talk about it without worrying people.

You won't worry, will you?

I'm just a stranger. But you're so much more than that to me.

It might sound weird, but you've made me giggle like a dork and smile.

I don't know whose reading this right now, but I'm sure you've made me happy.

So when I'm gone- when maybe I'll finally succeeded in dying, just be happy.

I know you will be.