Caught in a Landslide (ft. Harry Styles)

Two Emails

Friday morning, I woke early, meditated and did some yoga. My legs were sore from my extra long run the evening before...I had listened to Nirvana while I ran and thought about Harry almost the entire time. I even found myself taking the same route I had the day we met. 

I was feeling pretty down that he hadn't mentioned coming back to New York City for his break. I had no idea what this meant for us - at least Alexander's event tonight would be a distraction.

Lennon and Bas woke up, ran to meet me in the kitchen and asked for toast. I told them to use the bathroom before breakfast. That task completed meant loud chatter and excitement at the kitchen table.  

I sat down and worked on some schoolwork with Lennon while Bas colored. I couldn't believe how well Lennon was grasping the new math concepts - I was very proud. 

"Morning, everyone," Alexander entered the kitchen.

"Morning, daddy!" The boys said in unison.

"Today, I'm taking you to the park for a bit, ok?" He asked them.

"Yay! Is mommy going?" Lennon looked at me.

I shook my head and told him it was a boys only day. I planned on unpacking the last few boxes and calling my mom. I also needed to get outfits together for Alexander's event. Thank goodness the stylist would come over to dress him later - he and I were both nervous and wanted him to look really good. They already had his wardrobe set for the tour. 

The boys scurried to their room and picked out some play clothes for the park. Once all three were ready to go, we exchanged hugs and they walked out the door, Wendy held Lennon's hand.

It was quiet. I cleaned up the kitchen, folded laundry and laid clothes out for the boys on their beds. Satisfied, I walked into my room and looked through my closet. I chose a new pair of black leggings, a sleeveless white dress, red shoes and a thick red headband.

I grabbed my iPad and slowly sat down on my bed, then propped myself up with pillows against the headboard. My email was open to an email Harry sent a week ago, so I refreshed the inbox and saw his name.

To: SophieG143

From: Harry_Styles

Subject: It's Not the Same When You're Gone

My heart sank.

Sophie,

It's 2am- your time- I'm sitting here in my hotel room thinking of you. I thought some distance and time would help me sort out my feelings for you - but I was wrong. 

When the lads and I arrived, the bellman took us in the lift to the 10th floor - Lou and Eleanor's  room is 75. So, Room 10-75. Our room.

I fly to New York City next Wednesday and would love to see you. Can you get away for the weekend? You could be with me at my flat or we could get our room at The Manhattan? 

Please let me know soon so I can make arrangements accordingly. 

x. H

P.S. Have you heard our new single? I wrote most of it. Please don't get upset.

My brain struggled to process all of this. I had no idea what to do. First thing first, I decided to listen to the new single. 

I opened Google and typed in "one direction new single" and instantly had thousands of results at my fingertips. I clicked on the YouTube audio for the new track called "Change Your Ticket."

Harry's voice blasted through my small speaker. The lyrics described a secret affair. Tears swelled in my eyes as I listened to the words and the song ended. A single tear slowly fell down my cheek. 

As I reopened my email, I decided it was time to end it for good with Harry. He deserves to have the option to find love, marriage and start a family. He shouldn't be stuck behind shades.

To: Harry_Styles

From: SophieG143

Subject: Us

Harry,

Last week, I saw a photo of you & a supermodel on the cover of a magazine. Actually, you two looked great together. I know you aren't a womanizer and we never defined our relationship, but I feel it's a good idea to not see each other again. 

I want you to be happy. To find love. To find the woman you will marry, have kids and grow old with..I cannot feel responsible for holding you back.

Your new single is beautiful. As I've said before, all four of you are very talented. You should be proud of your accomplishments.

I hope this makes sense. 

- Sophie

I pressed send before I could change my mind. I jumped off the bed, drew myself a bath and cried while listening to "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. The tears stopped flowing after a good 45 minutes, so I drained the tub and put on sweatpants and a hoodie to go start on an early dinner.

I grabbed my phone and plugged in my headphones. The screen lit up - HARRY STYLES flashed across the screen. I took a deep breath and pressed ignore. I opened the iHeartRadio app and started up a station from Florida. The music stopped and HARRY STYLES flashed across my screen again. 

My stomach turned. We are both adults, I should be able to talk to him, right? 

"Hello?" I answered.

"Sophie, we need to talk-" 

"Harry, I said what I needed to in the email & I meant every word," I lied.

"But Sophie-"

"Harry, I'm sorry, please don't call again," I whispered.

I hung up on Harry Styles....as he pleaded one more time.

Immediately, I called Rayne. The tears were falling fast. 

"Hey sister!" she answered. I sobbed.

"What happened, Soph?"

"I-I-i ended things with Harry," I cried. Why did it hurt so badly?

"Did he hurt you!?!" She practically yelled over my fit.

"No....I just couldn't be the reason..." I explained. 

"Sophie, did you and Alexander work things out?" She asked cautiously.

"No. Everything is still the same." I answered flatly. "I have feelings for Harry and I don't want to stand in his way of the amazing future he deserves."

She sighed before replying; "Sophie, maybe Harry wants you to be part of his future. You never even discussed any of this with him..."

She was right; but I knew how love worked - especially at the beginning. Once the honeymoon phase was over, it wouldn't feel the same. I never wanted someone to resent me. Especially Harry.

Rayne begged me to call Harry and encouraged me to at least see him when he was in town. When I couldn't cry anymore, I promised her I would call him.

"Thanks, Ray," I said. "I love you."

"Love you too, sis. I just want you to be happy." She said and hung  up.