my only love / Mattheo riddle x y/n

What the fuck indeed

I look into his brown eyes refusing to look away .

His tall body hangs over me those last words repeating in my head " it's ok darling " , he has called me that once before and  it's almost comforting but weird too , but weird in a good way , aww god I'm not making sense right now,  it just all feels so surreal.

" I don't know what to say "  I laugh to hide my real thoughts spiralling through my head , he looks at me making sure I'm balanced , "  I'm sorry " he says. Sorry?.

I want to say that sorry isnt good enough and that my heart broke because of him sorry isn't going to fix that ever. But I can't.  I can't bare to be this close to him and let everything between us  fade into a million pieces.  No. Not again. 

I step out of his touch keeping a close but healthy distance from one another " I know " is all I could get out , his face tightens. Shit. " and you should be " I continue,  for fucks sake I bite my tongue to stop myself from saying more , I watch as he tryed to find words. Nothing came. " I came looking for you because I really like you , like really , but come on mattheo just think,  think about how I felt when you went for everyone but me" Jesus that was an exagertion , " please don't pitty me and this whole situation,  I just wanted to let you know that I care I really care " . I stop . Realisation hits . I'm I drunk , cause god that was something.

His face sits confused but odly relaxed , he nods , " that was a speech" sarcasm flows through his teeth  like a melody , I want to joke and smile wich is ultimely what he wants too. I don't give it. His posture straightens. " I really like you , I do , I was so wrong for doing that i knew i was then too wich is even worst " he starts my tongue grazing my front teeth in frustration "mhm" I say , he stops  , looks at my swollen face filled with old tears and says " I love you , I don't love her I never have it was all a jealousy act " 

I love you. No you don't.  Do you?. My hearts stops . " you love me ?.  , I watch as his gaze softens followed by I soft nod and a comforting smile . I'm so frustrated but god he's amazing and nice and hot and well the list go's on , but I don't give in easy. "Mh" I inspect his soft features , with a smile I turn to walk away leaving him teased and confused.

" that's it , your going to walk away after me telling you that I love you " he sates , I turn round "just because I'm leaving dosent mean I don't love you it means holy fuck he just said what I think he said I need time to comprehend " he nods. I spin on my heals and head towards my  room leaving him still on the steps shaken.

What.The.fuck.

Was my last though befor I fell into a deep sleep.

I don't even know what this is , I don't know if this is good or horrible but oh well I haven't posted in ages so here you go , I also know I probably spelt alot wrong so don't come for me. Love lilyanna xxx