Book II: The Saga of Thranduil

Chapter XIX: Mirkwood

Night--It can be unforgiving. It can be comforting. But that night I found nothing in it. Not love or hate; just darkness. I was alone. It had not been two days since I lay Êlúriel to rest yet I saw my love cut down before me as the day it happened and I was helpless to save her. It would not let go of me.

I sat on my throne staring into the void. I looked to the left and I saw her throne—the one that she sat upon as my queen. An anger arose in me more fierce than any wild animal. I reached for my sword and began to tear apart her throne with everything within me.

I heard nothing but the sound brought my council. Fëaluin and Aramír ran to me and grabbed my arms but I pushed them away without trouble. I wanted to destroy that thing for which my Êlúriel was sworn to sit alongside me forever. It was my enemy and no one would dare keep me from its demise. Before long, Nimlos had come to their aid.

"Thranduil," I heard Elranduil yell to me. I did not care. "What are you doing?" 

I did not answer as I continued to hack that monstrosity to pieces. Finally, Nimlos was able to grab my arm and wrestle me to the ground with Fëaluin and Aramír.

"Let me go," I screamed. "Let me go this instant!"

Nimlos threw my sword away from my reach and the others helped me up.

"Have you gone mad," Fëaluin asked angrily. "What is all this? What have you done?"

"What have I done," I growled. "What have I done? I did nothing, Fëaluin. That is what I have done! Nothing! She is not here and I did nothing!"

"You did what you could, Thranduil," Aramír said. His voice sounded unusually contrite. "We all tried. We were outnumbered."

"I am King of this realm and I was to protect it and everything in it, Aramír. I failed. I failed at the one thing I was supposed to protect! My wife! The mother of my son! My queen!"

"Tearing apart the throne room will not bring her back, Thranduil," Elranduil answered. I looked at him and descended toward him as the others followed. I looked him directly in the eye. I felt a viciousness envelop me. I could feel my body begin to burn.

"Do not even begin to tell me what I cannot do in my kingdom," I growled. "You will never know what I feel until you have lost forever in your arms. You still have your wives. All of you! I have nothing. Nothing. No one. I am alone." 

I turned toward my throne and saw the destruction I had begun and wanted to finish but I found myself exhausted and weak.

"I loved her. I loved Êlúriel more than you can imagine. I could not describe how much I loved her in words you could understand. Do not try to know what I am feeling right now because there is not one elf, one creature, or one tree in this world that could ever know the pain I feel for what I have lost. For the rest of eternity, I cannot have the one thing in this world for which I would give up everything—including my life. She was more than my queen. She was more than my wife. She was more than the mother of my son. She was more than half me. She was all of me. All that was good and pure in me came from her and with her it went."

I turned and looked at them—family and friends beside whom I had come of age. They were still and blessedly quiet. I felt some guilt for what I had said. I knew they were not at fault for what happened for they were not there.

"No, it did not," Fëaluin finally said. "You lost your wife, not your love for her. Not all that she gave to you, which if I may remind you is quite alive in Legolas. We lost a queen as well, so we share some of the grief that you carry."

"She was my cousin, Thranduil," Nimlos said. "I came into Eryn Galen with her as the last of my people. I knew of her kindness as I remember her mother was the same. Both were felled by evil for nothing but their life. I cannot know what she gave to you, but Nenloth and I loved her and we grieve for her and you."