Eternal Flight

the coldest month

Chapter twenty.

Carmen.

On New Year's Eve I promised myself I'd get better, that I would try and be a better version of myself. Though my pain was a home to me, a sense of security and familiarness, I want to move on. To heal and leave the past behind me.

When I asked Wren that night, "Do you think I'll be able to get better? Do you see a future for me...healthy, and happy?"

After all he was the saving grace for me, after all he helped me, so damn much. I hate to admit it, but- I would have drowned and there wouldn't be much left of me, if at all, if Wren Darden hadn't stepped a foot between the door and stopped it from closing forever.

For him I'm thankful as I watch the pinks and purples and greens detonating.

His cheeks pink from the winter, his hands in his jacket's pockets for warmth, he smiled at me warmly through the winter coldness, "I see it all for you. I see you shine like a fucking star, Carmen. I so believe in you."

I had swallowed a brick of gratefulness in my throat and lifted my lips into a small smile. Nodding, I had hugged him back when he wrapped his arms around me, and as the fireworks exploded, he whispered, "Happy new Year, Star"

It was a great start to a new year.

Now it's the question of how long it will last.

I'm with Wren, I think I'll be fine.

I have reached the starting edge of acceptance. I believe that I deserved the luxury of never being touched by this ugly world, that I deserved the life where that didn't go wrong. In another universe, me and Wren have known each other since we were kids, in another universe we were able to become friends earlier, it was just me and him and nothing was wrong.

I flatten my skirt with my hands, standing in front of a tall mirror in Wren's bedroom. It's a new one.

"Haven't seen this one yet," Wren says as he is sitting on the edge of his bed, leaning on his elbows, he watches me watch myself.

"I like it," I shrug.

The skirt isn't let's say- modest. It's short and teenage-ish. I would have been called a slut at school or at home and touched without consent at a party, but when I was downstairs five minutes ago Alexandra smiled when she saw me and said she fucking loves my outfit and I looked beautiful, that it was made just for me.

The boys from a few years ago at those house parties would say that I 'filled out' well. For the longest time I hated my hips and that my boobs got bigger earlier than my classmates'. I embrace them now, there is nothing like loving yourself to the fullest.

"I like it too," Wren's smirk is reflected back to me in the mirror. With a bored expression I turn to face him.

I smack his shoulder, "Don't become an ass, Wren. Don't be like those other boys."

He raises his brows, "Promise I'm better, I won't become them."

I approve with a smile at his serious statement.

Laughter and the strains of guitar plays sound from the room away.

Stepping in front of Wren, I look over him. His blonde messy hair and the deepness of brown in his eyes. A nose with a bump he earned a year ago. The smoothness of his tan skin. The full eyebrows and strong serious expression that softens as he smiles at me. The transformation of Wren's face when he starts smiling, my favorite.