Helios & Selini

Chapter 7: Selini

It was almost time, if I wanted not to be late I had to leave soon.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

Evanthe had come earlier to help me dress and fix my hair in a low knot hanging at my neck with a couple of strands framing my face. Evanthe had said that the low bun would compliment me more since my dress was a deep blue, soft velvet and strapless..I had no idea what she meant, I never cared enough for clothes so I never paid attention when Evanthe or my mother helped me dress.
My mother...what would she say if she saw me now, I thought and quickly brushed the thought away, I had to go and crying was not an option now.

I thought I looked nice and I appreciated Evanthe's help before and I told her, sincerely, she had then looked deep in my eyes and told me to have fun tonight and that I deserved happiness...her words pierced my heart, a dagger would have hurt less.

I opened my chamber door and headed out. Passing servants I swear stopped in their tracks even for a fleeting second to look at me in disbelief. I understood their reactions. They were used to seeing me at best wandering around in the gardens these past months and now I was dressed up nicely and obviously heading out to some sort of a celebration... I swear I saw them smile, and it warmed some deep part of me...
I would have understood even if they had snared at me, even if they had said how dare I celebrate anything this soon...they are too kind...I don't deserve them...

Peri waited outside by the gate to escort me with the carriage. His face lit up seeing me and said,

"After you my lady, and my I add you look beautiful tonight, glad to see you going out again" he must have sensed my hesitation and he quickly added "pardon me my lady, I meant no offence... sometimes I get ahead of myself..." he stopped as he saw the light upward curve of my mouth forming,

"Peri don't apologize for complimenting me, you have known me since I was a babe, you may talk to me as you please and you know it, you and Evanthe are family and I mean it..." saying the word family my voice cracked and my gaze lowered..

Peri gave my his hand and helped me get in the carriage, he asked me if I was ready and I nodded.

Soon the horses took their first steps, my first steps back to some kind of normality in a long time and my emotions were at battle with each other.

I wanted to smile and cry at the same time, I felt joy and deep sadness, I wanted to go back to my room and run away far from it...

I grabbed the seat with both hands and breathed, in through the nose and out through the mouth as my dad would say to me when I would run to him crying after I had stabbed my little toe against a chair or a table and thought the pain would take me.

Foolish

Foolish little girl, you don't know real pain yet but you will and then you would wish you could tear out your own heart so you wouldn't feel anything anymore.

The lights from the town drew me back to reality.

Enough now.

Enough Selini.

Your friends wait for you to celebrate, to have fun, you used to love meeting them out and laughing, oh how would I laugh...

How I miss that sound.

Will I ever hear that sound again? Can my lips still make that sound?

And with that thought Peri opened my door to the world.