CURSE MY LOVE

Chapter 2

                        A Princess For A Little While

They say every child thinks his or her dad is a king and a rich king of course and the mother the queen and the kids prince or princess and the world is their kingdom. I have lived that life so I guess I have been a kid before. To the princess the king is her first love and that is true, if I was to be honest which I can't be in front of him but here I will be honest.
If I were to vote him between the three types of dad I mean the good dad, the in between and the bad then he will be the in between dad.

He is a mixture of good and the bad and I guess that is called balance.
As long as I can remember I was told to be content, someone wants to be in my place and I can't have it all.  Well let's go back to when my mom found out she was pregnant with me, there were a lot of decisions that she could have taken and first was to get rid of me, abandoned me after she gave birth as the pills failed etc but I came to into this world and I even thought of myself a princess so I am considered one of the lucky stars and I should be grateful and content.

I can't have it all.

I have lived like a princess, I remember when I was four or five and remembering such events sometimes scares my parents when I recall events vividly and I am like yeah you should be scared. I remember it was my birthday and I was sleeping and my dad woke me up with a birthday song, I don't remember much to what happened afterwards but that was a good memory.

He even threw a birthday party for me and most kids wanted to be like me and that reminded me that I have to be content.
Wishing for more is greedy on my part.
I was eight or so and I was been watched my some gangsters in that town, I couldn't voice it out to my parents as I had no evidence but one look at them and I knew they were not being kind to me in their heads. I tried to bare it alone until they make a move and I can tell my parents with that evidence. I had to take matter into my own hands and at that time there were a lot of rape cases but I made up my mind to not go down that road, I had to defend myself.

I knew I couldn't live with that trauma if it happens so I took a small knife and takes it with me whenever I go out, this was my thought, I won't go down alone and even if I must I will take someone with me or make them scream.
I knew they were scared of my dad but precaution was needed, they were eventually arrested for breaking the law.
I believe the presence of my dad made the difference and I was grateful to have him in my life. I still am, his presence has been essential in my life.
Although I was afraid of them but I knew they fear my dad but I took the knife with me in case they decide to say fuck it fear and do something to me not caring about the consequences then they won't know what hit them, I will be ready.

When growing up I thought the queen was rather mean and I was scared of her. Her big eyes glare at you and even satan behaves.
I once thought my dad loved me more than my mom and I started having crazy thoughts that maybe she is not my real mother and anytime she yells at me I become those poor princesses in story books.

Being a princess started to fade as I grew up a little and that was a terrible experience and I was too young to grasp such emotions. He was never an abusive father, never well not physically. Bruises were not evidence on my body and those that were I did deserved it.
I am not trying to make excuse for him but I did deserve the scars on my body, I was going wayward and he brought me back and that I will forever be grateful for the guidance although I wished I had some powerful ointment to treat the scars, I am now a woman and scars ain't likable.

It got worse and I still have no idea what the cause was, I was very unfortunate to grow up early, I had my first menses when I was like 11 years and I even begged God to take it away and make it come back when I am old enough.
Could it be hormonal imbalance that made me sensitive?