overworked and under-informed

that funny feeling

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗

✬˖༄ ♡ ࿐*✬

"that's great news," sapnap feels himself smiling for the first time since the night prior. he's spent his day feeling like a shell of himself, and this is exactly the good news he needed to take his mind off of everything.

"i won't get back until midday though," his mom specifies. she sounds like she's grinning, and it's contagious even through the call. "will you be able to do the school run in the morning? it's different because it's the first day back and he has to transition into routine, but karl will be able to help."

the mere mention of the brunette has sapnap's smile faltering. "right, okay."

"he's done it a few times now, so it'll be okay," jenny assures, clearly taking sapnap's response as some sort of nerves. she sighs, "god, i can't wait to be home. i miss my boys."

"we could've come to visit. we still can," sapnap reminds her for the millionth time, hating the thought of his mother all alone at the hospital, eating shitty food and passing her time staring at the walls. "we could bring takeout."

"i'm on a post-op diet right now, but thank you anyway," she starts, "and, as i've mentioned, i'd rather benji didn't have to come to the hospital. it would make him miss me more, and the entire setting would just upset him. it's only a couple of days now."

"okay, you're right," sapnap agrees. he knows he has to get home as soon as possible so he can get back into the swing of work, but sapnap has this overwhelming urge to offer to stick around for a bit. he wants to be there, to help, to make sure she's okay handling benji after her surgery, even if it was only minor.

to see karl.

sapnap forces the thought away, pushing it far, far into the back of his mind. the disgust creeps up on him, making him queasy, and he feels a horrible sense of aggression towards himself when he realises he's having these thoughts on the phone with his mother.

his mother, who trusted him to look after his little brother and work alongside the high schooler that she employed for help around the house. the high schooler that sapnap, a man who owns his own fucking company, has caught feelings for.

the high schooler he kissed.

"mom, i've got to go," sapnap says. he curls his hand into a fist, digging his nails into the soft flesh of his palm. he wants to fucking scream. he wants to throw up.

he has such violent thoughts, violent towards himself, and they're scary.

he's scared of himself.

"alright, my sweet. i'll text you, okay?" jenny says, sounding so unconditionally kind. so loving. trusting. god, she trusted him. "good luck getting work done, talk soon."

of course she thinks he's leaving to do work. the thought only reminds him of how much he's allowed himself to slip. he got caught up with benji and karl and playing house with a literal high schooler, letting work leave his mind. the thought of going back causes him mind-numbing stress. "yeah, talk soon."