overworked and under-informed

reaching a fuse

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗

✬˖༄ ♡ ࿐*✬

karl has had enough. his anxiety has been fucking killing him since the start of the spring break, and now it's almost over and he feels just as awful as he did weeks ago.

the anticipation is ripping him apart and he can't handle it anymore so, after having a body-numbing panic attack, he picks up his phone and dials the number he's been waiting upon for so long now.

his heart genuinely stops when the blond answers the phone. he had been so sure it would ring out.

"hello?"

"lewis," karl hardly gets out, a lump in his throat so thick that it hurts him to breathe. "hi."

"hi karl," lewis replies, the whisper of a sigh hidden in his tone. he sounds tired, or frustrated, or something, and karl wonders if his (ex?)friend picked up before reading the called id. "look, i'm sort of in the middle of something right now. is it important?"

karl swallows but it doesn't help his nerves. his hands shake even as he grips his phone tight in his fist. he tries to tell himself to calm down, reminding himself that his anxiety was why they stopped talking in the first place, but it's impossible. "are you still coming to my birthday?"

karl booked an escape room months ago for just him and lewis. it cost him more than he'd usually spend on himself, but he was desperate for the excuse to go out and do something with his best friend. plus, it was the first birthday that he was going to spend alone, his mom caught up with work, and he didn't want to waste away on his own on his eighteenth.

but, with him and lewis not speaking all break, a sickly unsureness has crept in, and karl has started dreading his birthday more than looking forward to it.

"karl," lewis sighs. he definitely sounds tired. "you mean a lot to me, and you know that, but i can't be your friend anymore. i thought i made that clear last time we spoke."

the brunette actually flinches. "oh. i thought-" he cuts himself off. he doesn't know what he thought. if nothing else, he thought that surely lewis wouldn't actually be so cruel.

they've been friends since toddlers, pretty much.

"you didn't think anything, karl," lewis says, his tone uninterested and cold. "i tried so hard to be your friend, but your anxiety is fucking draining, and i can't keep dragging along the dead weight of our friendship everywhere i go. you're too busy crying over how hard it is to make new friends to notice that i'm trapped by your disorder. like, i feel bad for you, but it shouldn't stop me from making new friends."

karl has never tried to stop him. he would never dream of it.

"and the panic attacks and everything, i just-" lewis makes a sound of annoyance, something between a groan and a sharp exhale. "i get that i was your only friend, but you would come to me all the time with your issues and like, no offence k, but i don't care. you make the biggest deal out of the smallest things and there's only so many times i can reassure you before it gets fucking boring."