overworked and under-informed

pounding

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗

✬˖༄ ♡ ࿐*✬

karl jolts awake, his heart thumping in his chest as he stares up at the ceiling.

the closeness of the wall beside him is startling, providing the feeling that the room is closing in around him, before he remembers that he isn't in his room at home.

the brunette forces himself to sit up, shuffling back to press his shoulders against the headboard as he takes deep breaths, trying to straighten his torso to allow more air into his lungs.

his gaze flits around the room, taking in the surroundings that should surely feel familiar by now. he's slept in here enough for him to find it natural to doze off in the guest room, but this is the first time he's been awakened by a nightmare away from the safety of his own home.

he had a nightmare at lewis' before, but it was different with his best friend by his side.

the thought of the blond only makes his chest feel tighter, and karl instinctively pulls his knees up against his chest even though he knows logically that it isn't the best position for regulating his breath.

he drops his head down against his knees, pressing his eyes tightly shut as he blows out a breath, willing himself to be quiet as he remembers that benji is sleeping in the room right beside his own.

karl can't even remember what his nightmare was about now, but anxiety burns through him so hot and overpowering that his entire body shakes slightly with the power of it. his skin feels like it's crawling, and his respiratory system as a whole feels like it's shutting down.

his body is giving up, he can feel it.

karl looks up from his knees, trying not to take in too much of the unfamiliar room as he reaches over and takes his phone from the beside cabinet. his hands shake as he unlocks it and navigates his way to youtube, but he doesn't stop to take a moment to calm down, knowing it would be pointless anyway.

he goes to his history, almost embarrassed that he doesn't even have to open it up to older videos, his most recent watched already being 'breathing exercise for anxiety'. maybe that should be worrying, but he rationalises that he never has time to watch youtube for enjoyment, which makes it not as bad.

his left hand is pretty much healed now, the burn a barely noticeable sting, but he feels it more as his grip squeezes tight around his phone, silently willing himself to still as he follows the directions from the woman on the screen, letting her soothing voice sink slowly over him.

karl isn't usually all that prone to having nightmares, but his anxiety has been so bad recently that he isn't surprised by it dripping over into his sleep.

his breathing is still a bit patchy when he slides onto his home screen, but the ache in his lungs has subsided just slightly and, with his anxiety at the front of his mind, it feels necessary to check his texts.

of course, there is nothing new from lewis.

maybe karl is just hurting himself more by getting his hopes up and letting himself believe that, one day, something will suddenly change and his best friend will come back to him. it still doesn't feel real that they're not talking, after so many years of being entirely inseparable.