ℙ𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝔸 𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝 - 𝕂𝕒𝕪𝕔𝕖 𝔻𝕦𝕥𝕥𝕠𝕟

ℂℍ𝔸ℙ𝕋𝔼ℝ 6

I woke to the sound of chirping birds and the weight of the world on my chest. I tried to blame my nausea on the drinking from last night, but I knew it was actually from the anxiety throbbing in my chest. I ended up having to rush to the bathroom to keep from puking in my bed.

I couldn't bring myself to leave the bathroom floor. Everything felt so out of control, I lost Monica and developed intense feelings for Jane all in one day and I didn't know where to start picking up the pieces.

I was eternally grateful for the weekend knowing I wouldn't have to go into the livestock office and could take it easy on the ranch due to the cattle being held on property. The sun was starting to peak through the shades, and I wondered why no one had come to wake me earlier in the morning.

I finally talk myself down a bit and realize I needed some fresh air, or I might pass out. I drag myself downstairs, quickly stepping outside before I ran into any of my family members. To my surprise, Tate is awake and swinging on the tire swing tied to the sturdy tree in our backyard. Seeing him allows for me to take a deep and relaxing breath.

"He's happy here. I think maybe he should stay awhile."

My body shudders: I have to close my eyes and grip the porch railing to keep myself from falling over. She's here. She's fucking here.

I turn my head little by little, tears already swelled in my eyes at the sound of her voice. Monica is sitting on the porch bench, looking out into the sunrise. I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to face her.

Waves of sadness fight against feelings of boiling rage just at the sight of her. Monica stands to walk towards me and on instinct, I back away from her. I feel as if I'm looking at the ghost of a person I used to know.

"I'm so sorry, Kayce. For everything. I tried to move on from you. I really did I-"

"Oh, I know." I seethed. "Tate told me all about his "second Dad" at home who keeps hanging around and buys him fuckin' ice-cream. You know, you are the one who told me to leave? It wasn't the other way around. So, what the hell do you want Monica?"

"I want you! Kayce, please. It's really not what it sounds like."

"So, nothing happened?"

She stumbles on her words for a moment, her flustered face growing red.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." I huff and turn to walk away but she grabs my arm to stop me from getting any further.

"Listen to me." She pleads "I thought we were done. I thought we were over with. I thought you would keep being the callous killer I grew to know. But you did exactly what I asked, you have changed, Kayce. And I can't move on from you. I was stupid to think I ever could. You're a part of my soul, and I just hope you'll forgive me."

I look over her head at Tate who laughs aloud as he gets higher and higher in the air. I can't contain the tears in my eyes any longer. The resistance I could've used last night was doing me all the favors now. I wanted more than anything to tell Monica to get lost, but looking at our son, I couldn't. I begrudgingly take her into my arms; hugging her feels like I'm lacing myself with a poison that refuses kill me.

"I don't forgive you, Monica. But I can try."

"I love you. I'm so sorry."

Tate is running up to us, so I let her go, she wipes the tears from her cheeks and Tate slows his approach.

"Is everything okay?" He innocently asks.

"Yeah, baby." Monica looks at me, but I can't bear to look her in the eyes. "We're okay."