Stray Kids Drabbles

Experience

Chan finds you in a depressed rut and helps cheer you up.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

You couldn't remember the last time you felt anything, but sub-human. When was the last time your face lifted into a smile? When was the last time these bones felt an ounce of warmth? Joints felt unoiled and squeaky. Muscles were stiff. Your limbs were useless strewn about. You were pathetic in this bed, and yet, you couldn't get up.

And the worst part? There was no cause. With hollow bones and an empty heart, you were rotting. Your brain conspired against you. Your negative thoughts turned inward and they attacked you over and over again like a swarm of stinging bees.

Useless. Pathetic. Lazy. Loser. Talentless. Ugly. Worthless.

Useless. Pathetic. Lazy. Loser. Talentless. Ugly. Worthless.

Useless. Pathetic. Lazy. Loser. Talentless. Ugly. Worthless.

You were swept up in this whirlwind of self-hatred with no idea how to get out. Your limbs stuck to this web and refused to be free. Caught in the clutches of depression with nowhere to go. You wanted to scream, but no sound came out. Even your vocal chords were exhausted.

Bags hung beneath your eyes and your eyes were sunken in. When was the last time you ate? When was the last time you ate and enjoyed it? When was the last time flavor danced on your tongue? Back when flavor exploded and you felt every taste entirely.

The tartness of sour and the sugary sweet. The pucker of your lips when something bitter came your way. The panic that engulfed you with you swallowed something too spicy and mucus built up. When was the last time you felt human?

The roots of your hair sat with grease. Your mouth was coated with a layer of sludge. You didn't have the energy to get up and brush your teeth. Your spine was a pillar of cement and your limbs were bricks.

The way you saw it lately, you'd rot here in this bed. You'd lay here and you'd rot here. You accepted it without putting up a fight. It had been hours since the last time you drank anything. Flickering between consciousness and unconsciousness, you weren't sure how much time had passed you by.

The rough day you had was a final nail in your coffin. You collapsed in your bed and had been there ever since. When your phone vibrated with notifications, you ignored it. When it rang, you ignored it.

Your bedroom was pitch black. Surely, it didn't help your mental state, but you didn't care. The blackout curtains blocked out the sun and the moon. There were no stars here. There was no light and no glimmer of hope.

Outside your front door, Bang Chan knocked and expected an answer from you. He had been trying to reach you for the past two days without a response. He called and he texted, but you never responded. He was starting to think you ghosted him until he realized you had no reason to do that.

Your relationship was going well. There wasn't a huge fight or a minor disagreement that could have caused you to turn your back on him. The two of you had been dating for months, so clearly something must have happened to you.

He was already anxious, so when you didn't open the door, it grew. He had been staying at the dorms with his band members due to their recent hectic schedule. He tugged the key of your shared apartment out and quickly opened it. He stumbled inside, shut the door, and began calling your name.

In your bedroom, you heard his voice, but you didn't respond. You didn't call back and you made no attempt to move. Shame began to build. You didn't want your boyfriend to see you like this. Tears began to fill your eyes. You were swept up in a current of misery and self-pity.