the Pandavas are consisting of four older brothers and the youngest sister. Kunti was the mother of the eldest son, Yudisthir, the second eldest Bheem, and the youngest daughter Arjuni. The other two, the twins, Nakul and Sahadev respectively, were...
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Arjuni didn't sleep that night, nor the next. She kept tossing and turning in bed, a plethora of complex emotions swirling around inside of her, feeling a lot like the strongest of storms her father cam produce. She remembered sitting in front of Krishna that night in his tent, how Madhav’s eyes had grown serious when telling her about Karna's past.
"I thought you should know, Parthavi." he had said. "The king knows it already, but you're the only other person who I've told this to. You must keep this a secret."
Knowing that Karna was her half-brother hadn't been comforting. It not only augmented her guilt, but also made her feel strange about her own mother and her past. Now she knew why she'd always behaved strangely around Karna.
Of course, she didn't feel any affection toward Karna; blood was thicker than water, but the base of any relationship was friendship, and she had none of that with Karna. Her real brothers would always be Yudhishthir, Bheem, Nakul and Sahadev; even though she and her elder brothers held no relationship with the twins apart from having the same man to call their adopted father, they were real brothers, not Karna.
But now, another problem arose inside of her, making its way slowly into her heart like the poison of a snake spreading. The reality of the war began to sink in. In this great battle, she would have to attack and kill. Of course she had known she'd have to do this, so why was she so apprehensive about it now?
Perhaps it was the reality of being just a day away from doing what she had to do. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that she'd be lifting weapons against those he had never thought he would.
Her Pitamah, who had spent so much of his life giving her and her brothers — five fatherless, orphaned boys — so much love and support. His presence had been the only thing that had kept them somewhat safe from the hostilities of the Kauravas till now. Though she wasn't very close to Bhishma as an adult, she did held a certain spot in her heart for the old man.
Her Gurudev Drona, to whom she owed all her capabilities and who had deemed her his favourite student. Now, she'd have to use those same skills against him.
What about the Kauravas? As antagonistic as most of them were towards them, they were her cousins, after all. She had never wanted to kill them. Some of them had even been her friends for quite some time now — Chitrasena, Vikarna, Yuyutsu, Jaya, Satyavrata and a few others. They were even often suspected by Duryodhan of being in favour of the Pandavas, and somewhere deep inside, Arjuni knew that was true. What would happen if they died? The entire Kuru family would be torn apart and rendered nothing but a heap of mass destruction. Dhritarashtra and Gandhari would grieve immensely.
She spent hours pondering over all this, trying to get the smoke of worry and guilt out of her head. Her thoughts flew all over the place, like a group of butterflies trying to escape a net. Suddenly, more nasty thoughts entered her mind. What about all the humans who were inevitably going to die in this war like pawns in a game of chaturanga? What about their families, widowed wives and orphaned children?
