A Theft in the Dark

Chapter 1

Jian shut his eyes as he breathed in slowly. He hated the taste, bitterness. Yet, he couldn't keep away from it. The way it burned just felt so smooth, so warm. It calmed him, comforted him like nothing else could. He needed it to steady him. Without it, he'd be shaking too much. He savored that soothing feeling, knowing this cigarette would be his last. He was ready.

Keeping his eyes closed helped. The darkness made it seem not so scary. He imagined he was floating, just drifting gently through the void. His body felt weightless as he relaxed every muscle. All he had to do now was lean forward ever so slightly, and then it would be over.

His shoulders froze, locked in place. Inside, he kept telling them to move, but yet he couldn't compel them to. He breathed in and out slowly, desperate to cling to the vision he had been trying so hard to maintain, but the façade was cracking quickly. Before he could change his mind again, he willed himself forward in anger with tears streaming down his cheeks.

His eyes opened. His heart sank. In that moment of anger, his own body defied him. He had caught himself again. His hands gripped the edge tightly as his body leaned over. "What a loser," he muttered as he laid back on the concrete in defeat. He had lost to fear once more.

The next night, he went up to the roof again. But before he could even begin his process of inner turmoil, he was interrupted by the sounds of another. She sat there on the edge, where he usually sat, sobbing softly. Stunned, he approached slowly, but kept a decent distance from her so as not to scare her. He sat with her, but did not look at her. He could feel her eyes on him, but he kept looking away, trying to be respectful.

"Hi..." he said.

"H-Hi..." she replied, choking a bit through the tears.

There was a long silence between them. Jian looked up at the stars, and he could feel her eyes follow. She seemed to have stopped crying now, distracted by the beauty above. They both just gazed into the night's sky for what felt like hours, dreaming of all the worlds out there that shared the same stars.

"My mom used to say that when we die, we become stars," Jian said.

"I hope so. I hope I can maybe bring light to the world like that someday," she said.

"I don't think you need to die for that to happen."

He felt her eyes on him again. This time, he couldn't help looking back at her. As their eyes met, he could tell that she was broken too, just like him. There just seemed to be this immense sadness in her. It was beyond the tears. He could see the pain in her eyes. This wasn't just a brief moment of upset; this was years of suffering coming to the surface.

Jian tried to move a little closer to her, but she quickly recoiled away from him, so he moved back from her.

"S-Sorry!", she blurted out nervously, seemingly frightened by his actions.

"Sorry? You've got nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry, I don't mean to scare you. If you want me to leave, I'll go," he said.

"No... It's okay. I just... I don't like to be touched," she said.

"That's okay. I won't touch you. I promise."

She seemed to calm down a bit, reassured by his words. "Thank you."

"Do you live in this building? I've never seen you before."

"I... I'm not usually allowed out, but today I had to get away. I didn't know where else to go, so I came up here."

"So... You didn't come to jump then?"

"Jump? I don't think so?", she said as she looked down over the edge. "I hadn't planned on it. Did you come to jump?"

Jian sighed as he looked down as well. "I come up here every night to try and jump. But, I always fail. I guess I'm scared it'll hurt a lot."

"You're not scared of being dead?"

"It's better than being alive. Dead people can't fuck stuff up any more."

"But if you're dead, you can't fix your mistakes."

There was another long silence between them. Her words further stirred the battle within himself. Part of him resonated with the idea that he could change, that maybe things would get better. However, part of him felt so hopeless, weighed down so much by the constant cycle of suffering, that he believed the only way out was to leave this world. The two ends tore at him, stretching him until he finally burst into tears.

She felt a pang in her heart as she saw him silently weeping. As much as she had struggled before, she had not thought of taking the path he wished to take. Yet, she could understand it. Maybe he had been thrown too often into the darkness, that he no longer believed in the light. Her previous hesitations seemed to melt away as she moved slowly closer to him. "It's okay," she said softly, putting her hand on his back and running it up and down to soothe him.

Jian was stunned by her actions. He flinched slightly as she touched him, but did not pull away. He quickly wiped away his tears with his hands as he was pulled from his trance. "I... I'm usually not this pathetic I swear," he said, chuckling slightly.

"I don't think you're pathetic," she said.

"Well, you don't know me very well," he said jokingly.

"Hm... Guess I'll have to get to know you better then."