2 Points Of View {PHAN}

Chapter 6: What is Hope?

My eyes burn and my head aches. I don't want to get up. I feel like I have an extreme hangover. My back feels like it has been twisted a million different ways.

The birds around the house are chirping happily and are not caring who they disturb with their noise. Although I like to hear the birds sing from time to time, this wasn't a good time for them to be singing. The noise from them bounced all in my head and it annoyed me. Those birds need to be silent.

Sun pours in from the window and it hits my eyes. The brightness of the sun slightly burns my eyes. I slowly sit up while opening my eyes. The world seems like it is spinning all around me. It has to be at least noon since the sun was high in the sky.

I'm laying on the floor right next to my bed. The familiar sight of an empty wine bottle is placed on the night stand. My drunken self couldn't even put me in my own bed. Instead they decided to sleep on the floor. When I didn't have Dan with me I would drink till I would pass out.

The old taste of wine is stuck in my mouth. I must have drank all that wine last night. No wonder I feel like I have a horrible hangover. That wine bottle was almost full yesterday morning. Now it was completely empty. I guess I had a talent of drinking a lot of alcohol. I struggle to get on my feet so I can check on my Dan.

Dan....

Memories of last night flood my mind. I loosely remember walking up to get see Dan last night, in the moment I felt excited and energetic. I remember the sight of Dan, his face plastered with confusion towards me and his hair stick up in different directions.

It might sound weird, but he was even more beautiful with messy hair. Dan questioned why I was standing in the door way so late, but I was to busy studying at his gorgeous face and hair to answer back.

My mind flashes a memory of me climbing onto Dan forcefully against his will, my body straddling him. I was filled with joy and lust at the time.

I was forcefully trying to get Dan to open his mouth to were he could take some CAZXL so he would calm him down, but I was doing the exact opposite to him. Making him afraid and shocked.

I kissed around his neck area forcefully. Making sure I left a huge bruise on his neck with my mouth. In the moment it felt like the right thing to do. My drugged self thought it was fun.

I remember his hand getting free and slapping me in the face. The slap wasn't particularly harm full, but it angered me. I felt offended that Dan even thought about hitting me. In a split second, I felt the crunch of Dan's face underneath my punches.

Back to the present, I looked at the front of my hands. My knuckles were red and peeling. As I punched Dan I must have hit him so hard I broke the skin on my knuckles. I stared at my hands for a few minutes not believing what I did.

How come I did this? Why did I hit him? Why was this okay in the moment?

I didn't want to hurt Dan. He was my everything. My world.

Dan...

Dan!

Forgetting about my painful head ache I got up to my feet and rushed out of the room. I ran towards Dan's private room unlocked the door.

I see him sitting in the bed while hugging his legs. Dan is rocking a bit back and front. He turns his head towards me and panic is written all over his face. Dan jumps out of the bed and screams at me.

"GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I damaged him with what I did last night. I notice Dan's neck. There's a mix of purple, blue, and red marks along his jaw line and down his neck. They looked dark and it looked like the bruises were going to be there for a long time.