To Ethan

Newspaper snippets #2

Dear Aubrey,

Wow, it's already Christmas. This is strange, don't you think? I don't know about you but to be honest, time never flew like this. It was constantly stuck at 11:59 P.M. for me. Dealing with the same shit every single day and there was no way to overcome it. There was no way for me to step into a new day.

And now I'm here doing what I'm doing and not doing what I'm not doing and I don't have to think about whether this all makes sense or not because I think I'm getting better. Slowly. But I think it's working. There still is a possibility that I break again, deeper than ever before (although I don't think I could go through worse stuff than what I already had to go through).

There are still starry nights that make me hate the world but there are also days when I get up and smile at strangers. (No girls, I promise.)

I hope you're not mad at me for taking this long to get back to you. Would do anything to see your expression right now as you read this. But I'm still not giving away where I am.

All I can say is that being away from everything and everyone I know is making me realize some things. This is part two of the newspaper snippet series. Now that I read them again I feel like some poet. I'm a hue after all.

In love,

Ethan.

12/12/2015

Sat in a coffeeshop today and had a talk with an old man. His name was Bob. Well, I think so. He looked like his name was Bob. I'm telling you about Bob because he said something along the line "One day you will wake up at 10:30 on a bright Sunday with the love of your life and you'll make some coffee and pancakes and french toast and it'll be alright" and I want you to remember these words as well as I do.

14/12/2015

I walked in a crowd today and stopped in the middle of the way. I guess in that moment I came to realize that time and life goes on even if you stop moving. And I also realized that if I hadn't started moving forward, I would have frozen to death there.

20/12/2015

I'll tell you a secret: I went back to Stainton today. Our clinic. I also went back to my old home. The home where I used to live with my parents, before I moved to my aunt's. Nobody actually noticed or recognized me. I was thinking a lot about whether I should go back there or not, just to... see. As I stood there, reflecting, I took a deep breath. And when I turned around to leave, I took another deep breath, thinking that going back doesn't have to mean going backwards, sometimes it means going forward.

24/12/2015

Just in case you're really mad at me for letting go of you for now, this Tumblr quote is for you. "Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore." Print it and frame it !!!!