To be Loki'd - Loki x fem reader

Chapter 19 - Me and my broken heart

Your heart breaks when you hear him sing the verses. Not only because his singing is gorgeous but also at the pain you can hear. Tears well in your eyes when you can understand the broken boy that sits under his confident, cold facade. You step closer, using your powers to guide you to him. 

"Yeah what about it?" 

"Story of my life Y/n. Destined to never love or be loved. Feared by all, despised." his voice breaks even more with every word he manages to say. 

"Don't say that. You're someone good Loki." 

His laugh is dry and mocking "You wouldn't be saying that if you knew." 

"Loki. Everyone makes mistakes and has done awful things but the work we do is not the reflection of who we are. And I've seen who you are Loki. You're someone incredibly caring and who does feel. You're not a monster. I have killed hundreds of people and it weighs me down immensely. But you my darling, you're not." 

You hear his ragged breathing and you know he's close. This time there's no illusions when you see him, curled up behind his bed, tears streaming down his porcelain skin. He has cuts and bruises everywhere and you know it's not just physical cuts and bruises. It lies deeper within. His eyes snap up when he feels your presence. You're towering over him and in an instant, that broken boy flashes infront of you, scared and pained. Destined to be always behind, in the shadows of the others. Tears start to pool in your eyes as you try dreadfully to push them away for him. He needed you. You summon your magic and quickly fix up his room. The holes are filled, the curtains tearless, furniture back in place, shards of ice and glass, swept away so the room is pristine once more. Next you turn to Loki's body and heal the wounds covering his once flawless skin. He pushes you away roughly, kicks and fights to keep you away. But you persevere until he has to give in to your gentle touch. Your fingers glow over the blood, bruises and wounds, fixing them once more. Invisible stitches and repairs operate on his skin until it's like new. He sits up and looks away from you. You touch his cheek and try to make him face you. His eyes are sad, dark bags under them, his hair tangled and frizzy. It doesn't look like the Loki you know. Suddenly he shoved you away and you collided with the wall behind you. 

"You're not getting rid of me anytime soon Loki." you hiss, cleaning away the blood that formed on your arm from the collision

"See? I hurt you like I hurt everyone! I'm a monster, you should forget about me." 

"No." 

"Pardon?" 

"I said no. I'm staying here until the end of time if I need to." 

"Why? Like Tony said I'll hurt you, who knows what I'm planning?" 

"Don't you see Loki? It doesn't matter what Tony thinks. What matters is what you and I think. And I think you're someone good Loki. Time has shown in several times." you reach for his hand that hangs limply from his tiredness.

"I'm not." he looks away, desperate to break away from your eyes.

"You are." 

"No one can love me, like me, support or tolerate me, you hear me?!" his words hit sharp like the bits of glass previously on the floor but you ignore it. You know it's just his defense mechanism.

"No. I do." This time, you grab his hand and hold it firmly.

"Wha-a-at?" his voice breaks as his eyes meet with your once more.

"I..." you inhale profoundly, preparing yourself for what you were about to say and to admit to him. To him and his green eyes glazing with tears, who hurts in silence all the time. "I do. I do love you Loki. And I don't mean it in a friendly way. I love you like I can't love anyone else. My heart beats for you, I think of you all the time, your gaze sets off fireworks in me. Even if you don't feel the same way, know that I love you like the rest of the realms don't exist. I'll never feel for anyone else like for you. I love you Loki. Forever, even if the sky comes crumbling down or the universe tears us apart. I will forever. I've pushed these feelings away but it just made me realise even more how much I am... infatuated with you." 

Loki's eyes brim with tears who don't hesitate to come running down. 

"You can't." 

"Why?" your heart shatters into a million pieces at the two words he just mumbled. 

He walks over to the center of the room. Slowly you see first his ears then his fingertips and soon his whole body turn blue. An icy, gorgeous blue. Runes appear on his skin as he finishes transforming and his eyes glow a deep crimson red. He steps closer to you.

"I'm a Jotun you see? I'm the one from stories parents tell their children at night. I'm a monster. My people have slaughtered thousands. " his voice dies down slowly.

You reach for his cheek again and caress it softly. His initial surprise gives way to him leaning in, tears wetting your hand. You carefully trace the runes on his skin with your fingertip, feeling him shudder under you. 

"Are you not cold?" he asks, aware of the danger he can cause to you as he steps back

"No, not particularly. Why?" 

"Well a Jotun is an ice monster and apart if you're a magical being from magical descent, their touch gives your frostbite." 

"Huh."  you shrugged your shoulders and stepped towards him once more. "For what it's worth, you look just as sexy like this. "

Your words earn a small smile on his lips. 

"Jotun or not Loki, my words are unchanged. I'll love you like this just like in any other form. It doesn't change how I see you. It never will." 

At your words, he wraps you in one of the most intese and heartfelt hugs he's given in a lifetime. You can feel his tears running into your hair and down your forehead but you know he needs it. He sobs silently, finding repose in your presence. When he finally breaks apart almost relunctantly, you kiss him gently on his pale blue lips, the ice feeling cool against your skin. Loki smiled through the tears and stepped back, transforming once more into his Asgardian self. 

"Truth be told, I...I...I love you as well Y/n. I was just too scared you didn't feel the same or that I would hurt you. Usually people are scared of me. And when the world depicts you as a monster, it's hard to fight against that, so you choose to embrace it. But do you believe me when I tell you it pained me and destroyed me to see all the chaos and hurt I had caused?" 

"I believe you. I always will." 

He sighs into your hair 

"Would you mind..." he starts, not looking up from the floorboards. 

"Staying? Nope not at all." you flash him a supportive smile.

You snuggle comfortably under his fresh sheets and let his arm wrap around you. His breathing becomes regular as he presses you close, like a treasure. His legs snake with yours and you both fall asleep in the midst of the other's undying love.