How Did it Get This Way?

15 - It's Normal

I take my phone out of my pocket with shaky hands, almost dropping it as I go to Tweek's contact. With unsteady fingers, I click the call option.

Ring... Ring... Ring... Rin-

"Uh, hello? Kenny, why are you calling me at nearly midnight?" I hear a voice over the other end, a tone of lingering exhaustion evident.

"I-I need your help..." I choke on a sob as I try to answer. My thoughts are bouncing around in my head, it's too jumbled to think clearly.

"Shit, are you okay Kenny? What's wrong?" Tweek's voice quickly changed to one of concern and fear. I let out another sob before I can even think to answer him.

"I think you w-were right. I-I like Leo, but I don't want to..." I can't bear the thought, it's too much. If I'm gay, how would ny friends react, how would my family react? I don't want to be gay, I don't want people to hate me for it. My life has gotten so much better the past few years, why now does all that have to change!

My breathing picks up, almost as if I can't get enough air. My hands shake and I can barely make out Tweek's words, but attempt to grasp on to what words I can hear.

"Breath... stay strong... in... out..." I try to follow his words, they bring me down a little, but I'm still crying, I can't help it. I force my breathing to slow down and match his, silent tears trailing down my cheeks, the occasional sob escaping. He takes a moment to allow myself to recollect my thoughts before starting to speak again.

"Are you feeling better?" Tweek questions in a gentle tone. I take a short breath and answer. "Yeah... how did you know how to stop my episode?" I ask, my voice still quiet. Tweek lets out a short laugh. "Thank Craig, he used to help me whenever I would get really stressed and have severe panic attacks when I was younger. Without him, I'd probably still be a tweaked out, twitching mess." We both laugh together, though me less so. The moment helping me feel almost normal again.

Wiping the remaining tears from my eyes, I speak up, "Thanks for the help, Tweek." A small smile has spread across my lips, showing just how glad I am to have Tweek as a friend. "Of course, I won't leave you to just your gay panic without any support." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Speaking of your gay panic, how did you even come to the conclusion that you like Leo?" I take a moment to answer, recounting the events of this evening to him as I remember it. The park and the sudden realization, everything just clicking. All of what I know.

"You were at the park for that long just thinking?" He questions, shocked. "Yeah, it seems a little stupid now that I think about it." My smile falls as I continue to think of it.

"Hey, no, don't talk like that. You just came to an extremely important revelation, one that can change how people perceive themselves and others. It's no shock it took a toll on you or that it took a while to connect the dots. I know Craig and I both struggled internally when we found out about ourselves, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Kenny, it's normal to feel this way," he gently says, a warm kindness in his voice. It leaves me without words, a tear or two falling as I let myself take in his short speech.

I quickly wipe my eyes and mumble a thanks to Tweek. He has helped me so much in the last half hour even though he didn't have to.

We sit in silence for a couple minutes until Tweek finally speaks again. "I'm giving you tomorrow off to deal with this. You don't have to think about what you are or what you like, but you need time. I know how hard this can be to deal with, I don't want you to get stressed or anything tomorrow because of that and having to deal with customers and shit." I smile, it's nice to see someone who actually cares. "Thanks Tweek, for everything." We say our goodbyes and I hang up.

I leave my phone on the charger on my nightstand, tucking myself into my covers and staring wide-eyed at my ceiling. The thoughts flowing through my head slower than before and my mind wandering wherever it wants. I think about my childhood, my future, Leo, what I'll do tomorrow, Leo, sleeping, and Leo.

I close my eyes and feel the wave of sleep wash over me. The last thing I remember before I fall asleep is Leo smiling at me.

Words: 809

Holy shit, I don't look at my notifs for one day and suddenly I have nearly 500 reads?! I was at 200 something last time I checked 😭

Thank you guys so much, and I'm sorry for the slow updates, school and work have been killing me I swear. I'm going to Disney world in a week and a half for band and will be on a bus for around 19 hours there and back, hopefully I'll be able to write a bit while on the bus 🤞