Addition. Add a worry, add another. Anxiety fills my head a million times over, causing me to suffer. To suffer from my own thoughts, own perspective. Their judgement remains selective, trying to find the words that cause the most pain, thinking that would make them gain, but gain what? Why bother add another worry, add more anxiety when I am just a nobody?
Multiplication. Multiply my self hatred a hundred times over, make me bring the blade down my arm with no remorse as little speckles of blood find their way out. Inflict the pain among myself, fill my head with doubt, doubt that I belong in this world, doubting myself any chance I am given.
Subtraction. Subtract the assurance and reassurance that I am loved. Make me feel that when they stare, they stare as they judge, just as much as they did before, but more. Subtract their care, they don't want to be there, to be near me. They wish to be as far as they can, avoid me at all costs, as I fall into the void of my own thoughts once more.
Division. Divide their trust in me, though I try not to lie and keep their secrets to myself unless I feel that it must be told during the rare circumstances, of which are those that enhance my fear that they will end like me, trapped with nowhere to go, dividing the space as it closes in on me, nowhere to leave, never to be free. I wish for them to love, to be loved, to be cared for, to be aware of those who love and admire them. I wish that they will not have to lie about whether they are or are not fine, I wish that in their lives, the answer to their equation is not what I think about. I wish that they are fine when I don't even want to be fine.
That is the equation of my life.
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Not So Lovely Poems
PoetryAn update will be made every week, though please enjoy my poems. commenting and advice would be great aswell, I am open to any advice that I am given.
