whatcha listening to? -armin arlert

fourteen

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I pull my jacket tighter around me in the sting of the cold October breeze, attention drifting between the vibrant, dream-like colors of the trees littering the park and my journal in my lap. The park had started to clear out more near the middle of October, the autumn chill deterring others from leisurely outdoor games, reading, and studying.

I'm left mostly alone this Sunday afternoon besides the occasional crumple of leaves underfoot as other students pass me by on their way to some engagement or other. Each time, I whip my head up each time hoping it's one of my friends, or Armin; also one of my friends.

Friends.

The past month has flown by as normal, school work, the bookstore, seeing my friends, study sessions with Armin, just to name the main ways I spend my time. At first, it was hard to push my feelings aside. At every glance or touch, I had wanted more than anything to emotionally, passionately, proudly pronounce my attraction to him.

Many daydreams of sharing a kiss passed through my mind, but over time I had grown to forget them. Not completely though, and certainly not to say my crush is gone. But definitely easier to manage. The unseen, unsaid, unreciprocated, hopeful yearning still sank it's ugly fangs into my heart everytime we shared a song, everytime we shared a library table, every time we shared a meal.

Sasha and Connie haven't mentioned Armin in the context of my crush for a while. As far as I know, they forgot about it long ago- for the better anyway. Days and nights filled by the two of them keep my head on a ride that spins too fast, and they keep me distracted. All of my friends do, and I'm so grateful for them.

I find myself losing my thoughts of Armin, only to return when he stops in to see me at work, during our Friday study sessions, the multiple times a week we've driven into town for a gas station snack, knowing that we're both up later than all of the others in our dedication to our studies. Maybe it hasn't gotten easier after all. 

We've both entertained the thought of teaching in the same school, discussing these little fantasies is our favorite pastime. Besides going to the park or the library to read in each other's company, low classical music passing through the earbud wire that connects us ever so delicately.

None of this is to say I've been unhappy, or dissatisfied. This crush of mine is a simple, sweet indulgence that helps me pass the time between classes, events, or even falling asleep at night. And I've come to accept that it's perfectly normal. I've had crushes in school, and there's no reason for adult realities and the rush of college life to make them any less fun.

A leaf crunches under a foot, rather close to me for my liking with my journal sprawled in front of me. Snapping it shut, I glance up to find kind blue eyes twinkling at me from under a mop of gleaming blond hair.

"Hi, (Y/N)." Armin says as he sits in the dying grass beside me.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" The warmth that threatened my face so easily and frequently in the past lies long dormant in my stubborn attempts to maintain our friendship as is.

"Just enjoying the weather." Armin answers, brushing his hair out of his face as he reaches into his brown shoulder bag he had brought along.

"Oh, really?" I ask sarcastically, quirking an eyebrow at Armin's answer. "Today is the coldest day we've had yet, and we both know how you feel about that."

Earlier at work, he had stopped by to drop off breakfast and coffee to me when picking up a book I had special ordered for him. Frankenstein, which I was thoroughly surprised he hasn't read yet. Armin shared a passionate rant of his hatred for cold weather, how his earbuds got tangled up in his scarf or hoodie or whatever he was wearing. At the last tailgate, he had been the most bundled out of all of us, and it was a balmy forty-seven degrees.