𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐞 ⸙

2.21༊*·˚

"Get out before I shift and eat your fucking hands off" The rage filled his muscles. Zayn had to clench his fists to stop himself from storming over and giving them all a good whack across the face.

He didn't move away from the door, so the wolves didn't move either. Like guilty dogs, they stood silently, staring anywhere but at their leader.

Zayn scowled. "I said get out!" He thundered. The Omegas jumped and tried to scurry round him.

Zayn grabbed the one who had tossed the books onto the floor again. The werewolf yelped when Zayn shoved him into the bookshelf. "Pick those books up!" The Omega crouched and Zayn ran a hand through his hair, trying to control himself.

"I don't know what you expected. Did you really think Liam would stay silent about this? Fucking idiots."

Zayn stormed from the library and the rest of the Omegas hurried down the stairs like scared Pups.

Zayn chased them to the stairwell, just to feel that last snippet of authority before he crumbled into an emotional mess.

Zayn made it to the bedroom, moments before his legs caved and he collapsed by the window, suddenly feeling like he couldn't breathe. Tears clogged his eyes, a lump formed in his throat and his chest tightened until a breath felt impossible.

He refused to let a tear fall. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to feel weaker than what he already was. Pull yourself together. Zayn couldn't, the stress kept pilling up and up until his head throbbed from keeping back the tears.

He sat by the window for a while, fighting himself.

Keeping emotions in used to be easy for Zayn. He used to push them down and get on with his life. Since meeting Liam, who showed that he could be strong and still cry sometimes, was almost life changing for Zayn. But being the stubborn Alpha wolf who saw emotions as weakness for most of his life, he struggled to let go and be sad when his heart wanted to wail.

Zayn really wanted to run until he felt numb, but that would solve nothing because one day something else would make him snap, then he would lose Liam Payne for good.

What if I've already lost him? Zayn's anxiety flared and the first tear caressed his cheek. Zayn wiped it furiously. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cold glass. He didn't want to see the wrapped-up bodies on the field.

Instead, Zayn imagined what life would be like if his father was still alive. He imagined how free he would feel if he had met Liam without the overbearing Alpha responsibilities. Zayn was only nineteen when the role was given to him overnight.

Zayn knew he would be Alpha one day, but he thought his father would live to at least eighty. It's my fault I'm Alpha now. How can I wish for better times when I've made my life this way?

Even through closed lids, tears slipped through his lashes. The ringing was so loud in Zayn's ears, he barely heard the bedroom door open until it closed with a click. Zayn could smell who had entered. He didn't lift his head or open his eyes.

Pull yourself together. Pull yourself together.

When arms wrapped around him, Zayn broke down.

His head was pulled from the window and into the shoulder of his mother, the only person willing to comfort him after such a major blunder.

"Why did he have to die?" Zayn sobbed, gripping onto her. "I can't do this. I'm just disappointing him."

"Shhhh," Solana soothed, holding him as tightly as her frail arms would let her. Tears glossed her own brown eyes as she planted kisses into her son's hair. For a moment, she felt as though he was a baby again, and her arms were his protection, and she could make him feel better with gentle rocking and comforting whispers.

"I want dad" Zayn sobbed. Once the tears came, they poured. "I- I can't do this without him."

"Yes you can," Solana said, rubbing his back when he struggled to breathe. "I'm here. Together we can get through anything."

"I can't."

"Just because it doesn't feel like it now doesn't mean it's not true." She rocked him softly and shushed him quietly when he tried to splutter words. "Just cry Zayn."

So he did until his throat hurt and his eyes stung and his defensive walls were bricks scattered on the floor around him.

They sat together, mother and son, until the sun was an orange ball low in the sky. Zayn's tears soon dried, and he was able to breathe again. He lifted his head from his mother's shoulder, wishing her comfort was now Liam's arms around him. Still, he was thankful that she had helped him through his breakdown, especially when he had felt so alone.

"I'm scared I can't change," Zayn said eventually.

Words felt wrong in his mouth. The sun turned his hazel eyes to dull flames. "I thought I was doing better. Now Ni's dead because I couldn't bare the thought of someone calling me weak."

"It is the last thing an Alpha wants to be called."

Solana thought of her words carefully. Zayn clearly couldn't take a stern telling off right now. "Why did you feel so provoked?"

"I just felt humiliated. I felt all this pressure all of a sudden. I was embarrassed of Liam. I can't even believe I've just said that, but I was." Zayn shook his head. Saying it out loud hurt tremendously.

"Looking back, I respect him so much for recommending that we feed the rogues. Why didn't I see that at the time? I can't imagine how ashamed he is of me."

"Because you felt like you had to prove that you were an Alpha capable of keeping an entire pack safe. That's a battle you've had with yourself every day since your father passed. But I think all Alpha's struggle with that. The pack is supposed to protect you too, but the title comes with a lot of issues. You'll never be the person you want to be because you can't be an Alpha with no wolves. You have to learn to work with others, but don't worry, you'll get the help you need."

"It'll be a waste. I don't think I'm fixable."

"If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for Liam."

Solana knew Zayn's negative thinking would capture him now more than ever. He had always been that way, even as a child. She wished she helped him to think more positively. "He needs you to try. His happiness depends on it."

posted 4 chapters