A Court of Shadows and Promises

Friend of my Heart

Days went by that were filled with training and practicing. Feyre and I had spent the entire day together the day before. She hadn't wanted to venture into the Rainbow, so we had went to other parts of Velaris. The air had been brisk but comfortable as we had ventured deep into the city.

The bond we shared was different than any of my other friends. Of course, the main similarity being that we had both died. And now we were both different than other high fae. While she had been gifted life from the High Lords, there was still the question of what had really gifted me mine. The wondering often plagued my thoughts.

At one point, I had glanced over at her and asked something the two of us had avoided mentioning since meeting. "Do you remember anything from the minutes you had died?"

She tensed, her blue eyes sliding to mine hesitantly. Her fingers thrummed in agitation against the glass cup in her hands. A few breaths passed in silence. I didn't take it back and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Yes," she answered slowly, as if considering her words with the utmost care, "I was aware the entire time. I was able to- I latched onto a thin thread and held on."

Processing her vague response, I tried to bury into my own mind, for any recollection of my own time gone. There was nothing. My shoulders slumped slightly and I sat back in my chair. Feyre took a sip of her tea, watching my reaction curiously.

I shrugged and explained, "I just thought that maybe it would be the same for us, but I don't recall anything. If I could recall even a shred of memory of before, maybe I'd know why I'm here now."

She bit her lip, considering my words. "Does it matter why? You're here now. That's what's important."

The wind picked up, rustling the napkins on the table and I stared at them for a few moments. One slipped from under my cup and I snatched it out of the air before it could tumble to the ground and float down the street. My fist closed around it, crumpling it into a small wad before letting it fall back onto the table.

She was right. Yet, part of me knew the why was important. It had to be. And even if I let it go, part of me would always be tied to something else. As if my life wasn't wholly my own. It was difficult to even rationalize the deep, unsettling feeling to myself, let alone voice it aloud.

"I know. Maybe I'm just still unsettled about it all," I sighed, letting the dark thoughts drift away.

Feyre relaxed again as she mused, "Maybe you need another hobby."

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. We both knew my practices took up a large amount of my time. No, I needed something more.

"What I need," I drawled in annoyance, "is a job. Something productive for the actual court. Yet, Rhys still hasn't come up with anything. Anyway, you're one to talk. When is the last time you picked up a paint brush, Feyre?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly at the amused question before smirking a little.

"I don't know. Maybe I need another one, too."

The next words were out of my mouth before I could even think about filtering them. "I know someone who'd love to be your hobby."

Her mouth dropped open in shock and I half expected her to snap my head off for it, but instead, she laughed. She laughed even as her face turned a slightly guilty shade of red. I grinned, glad to see the side of her that wasn't so melancholy.

I had dragged her from shop to shop, splurging for the both of us. She had tried to protest when I started picking things out for her since she wouldn't herself. Of course, I understood that money might be a slight sore spot for her, so I was sure that she didn't hear any prices and refused to let her look.