Sparks Will Fly

Nolia's Blog Post 8

Nolia's Blog Post

    According to Chinese culture it stated that a red string bracelet represents a connection of fate. While in various African cultures it states that when it pertains to the concept of soul-mates, certain individuals share an unbreakable bond that spans multiple lifetimes, and that the reunion of twin souls is a sacred and joyous event. And as a past educator, yet current writer I find that concept to be fascinating. When I was a little girl, I didn't really believe in the concept of soulmates until I was in middle school and high-school. I then began to believe that soulmates were real which then is where I started to fuck up because I began to believe that every man I liked, dated or gave me attention was my soulmate. When I had a crush on a guy during my middle school years named Rico, I thought that he was my soul-mate. Then when I met Kevin during my freshman year of high-school, I thought that he was my soul-mate. Then during my sophomore/junior years of high-school, I thought that this guy who seemed to really like me... I think his name was Ezekiel, I thought that he could've been my soulmate. Then during my senior year of high-school... I didn't date anyone because I wasn't interested and ready to go college. It wasn't until I got to college and met Cody with such an instant attraction, did I think so myself... well, shit... what if he's my soulmate?

    When Kevin came back into my life after I broke up with a guy named Allen who had a one-year old son at the time, and incredibly controlling... I thought to myself, maybe Kevin is my soulmate. Since when we reconnected everything felt so perfect... like straight out of a movie perfect. He took me downtown for pizza on our first date and paid for everything, then walked across La Salle street bridge one summer night, where the downtown streets were buzzing with tourists and citizens enjoying the summer evening. It was almost as if the stars twinkled that night, and everything felt freeing... perhaps it was because that was the first time I felt like I could breathe after getting out of that toxic relationship with Allen. Kevin felt like remnants of heaven when I finally developed the courage to escape the hell Allen subjected me to because he was my first.

    But as I sat in Sip & Savor a black owned coffee shop— at the best location, the Hyde Park location, I decided to take a pause from making the final edits of Queen to write to you all about soul-mates. I don't know why the concept of soulmates is boggling my brain right now... maybe because I feel like I have a soulmate out in this world that just doesn't know that we are soul-mates. I think about how I'm developing the love story between Katrice and Nasir, the enemies to lovers trope protagonists in my latest book Queen and how I keep writing that they were eloquently written in the stars. Destined to be together no matter the odds that were placed against them. I'm not sure of the direct reason behind why I'm writing them as soulmates... except for the fact that it feels right, it feels warm like honey drizzled on a buttered buttermilk biscuit fresh out of the oven... just warm and right.

    Perhaps that's how soulmates are... they feel like home, they feel warm, safe, and inviting that also brings out the most courageous parts within you that lay dormant.  As a hopeless romantic I like to believe that soulmates are one of the most beautiful things us humans can get the opportunity to experience even if it is for just a moment. And truth to be told, I like to think of that concept whenever my mind drifts to Cody. As chaotic and delusional as it sounds, after all that I've been through with my ex-husband Kevin... I like to perceive Cody as a soulmate that I've experienced. The one that made my entire body light up by just the mere mention of his name or hearing the sound of his voice in the near distance. The one who felt like a bolt of electricity gusted through me whenever our hands accidentally touched or when we locked eyes in the most impromptu moments. The one who made me feel alive just by his presence. The one who unknowingly gave me the courage to face shit that scares me because it seemed that every day at college— he faced a lot of shit that scared him.

    Cody gave off the aura of so much strength that radiated off of him in ways that enveloped me into the presence of safety. I believe that a soulmate is someone that you never really have to speak to or build a relationship with... instead it can be just someone you meet that you feel naturally connected with just by their existence because it  was destined. And despite not ending up with Cody because life's trajectory had other plans... I can contest that whatever I had with Cody during those early years of my adulthood was real because I unknowingly found myself measuring that connection with every single man I met since then. I measured them up to an expectation that I was accustomed to without realizing it. I just wanted someone that reminded me of Cody, and all that I felt... but because I haven't felt any of that since then— I'm beginning to realize that it was just a once in a lifetime experience, and I'm okay with that... because at least I got to experience it.