Sparks Will Fly

No Role Modelz

"I want a real love, dark skinned, Aunt Viv love, that Jada and Will love. That leave a toothbrush at your crib love; and you ain't gotta wonder whether that's your kid love." - J. Cole

Cody

    In all these years that's passed— I've never envisioned waking up to Nolia sleeping soundly on my chest. I've always imagined that one-day, she'll be here– well... hoped. During those two years I spent getting to know Nolia before she transferred was a whirlwind because I was deeply infatuated with her at the time but I figured that she wasn't putting out and because her old college roommate kept getting in the middle of me trying to get with Nolia. For the life of me– I never could figure out her problem except for the fact that she just didn't want Nolia and I together. And hell that didn't even make a difference because Nolia doesn't even deal with her ass anymore. It's been years since they talked and shit... to be honest, I'm glad... because Nolia is doing what she has to do to simply protect her peace... and in some odd way... she was led back to me and damn, it feels so good. If she wasn't still sleeping so soundly, I would wake her up and give her some because shit I want some too.

    Nolia stirs in her sleep and wraps her arms around me tighter, snuggling her face into my neck, planning kisses along my Adam's apple, removes her hand from laying on my chest and slides it underneath the covers resting it on my already hardened dick.

    I sigh, "Nolia." I whisper, "girl– what are you doing?"

She chuckles, and settles into a deep sigh while climbing on top of me, strandling my waist. She opens her eyes and stares at me longingly  and for the life of me, I feel my heart pause and shift into a different rhythm and my spirit elevate. Is this love? Infatuation? Or lust?

She cradles my chin in the palm of her hand and caresses my short goatee. She gently traces her fingers along my bottom lip, leans down and whispers against my lips, "did you really mean it when you said it?"

    "Say what?"

    "That you love me."

I freeze. Shit. I did say that. I should just own up to it right? I mean– what else am I supposed to do, when I have the woman of my dreams, pressed up against me, asking me if I love her... when I've been in love with her before I even knew... and I know that I was slowly falling in love with her during those two years of college because she lived in my mind constantly. At every basketball game, I saw her there and played my ass off– and if she wasn't there, my game felt off... because I kept searching for her face and that pretty ass smile in the stands. I played better when she was around. When I saw her in the dining hall with her friends, at the library, stealing glances whenever we saw each other walking from the classroom building to either the bookstore cafe, library or west hall– her first year and alumni her second year. I've wanted her for so damn long– but I was afraid.... Which led me to date a bunch of chicks except her– and blocked niggas (white and black) from getting at her because I needed her to be available for me when I was ready. Hell, I'll never forget the two nights I felt like I was fucking up aside all those other times with her.

    First time during Nolia's second year of college, I was walking to my boy's truck to go to some party off campus and I ran into Nolia's roommate. We shook it up because hell, I didn't really see her as a woman like that— like I saw Nolia. Anytime, I held Nolia's hand– I was intentional with making sure that I wasn't roughing it up with her... while with her college roommate– I didn't really give a damn. She wasn't who I wanted. Anyway, after we shook it up—- I accidentally said out-loud as I watched Nolia walk past me with a look that struck me right in my core, "what the fuck am I doing?" Her roommate at the time informed me that I should just stay away from Nolia and hell after that I tried... but that didn't stop Nolia from living in  my mind.