Sparks Will Fly

Nolia's Blog Post #5

Nolia's Diary

Blog Post

#5

Growing up, when my mother and father were going through a divorce— my mother tended to her emotional wounds through music. She had You Changed by Keyshia Cole, and Is She The Reason by Destiny's Child on heavy rotation. In the car on the way to school, running errands or visiting family members, she played a lot of songs by New Edition, Biggie, Tupac, Mary J. Blige, Tweet etc. She even played the iconic Emancipation of Mimi album by Mariah Carey till the CD literally scratched in our 2002 red Honda CRV's CD player.

But whenever I look back onto my childhood memories during the era of my parents separating, I remember the pain etched on my mother's face the most, when she found make-up of another woman's shade deep down in my father's bright green gym bag resting in the back of the downstairs closet, or when she had the intuition one late winter night that my father was cheating, and she made me quickly pack my bags to stay at my grandmother's house, while she drove to my father's job to catch him in the act. Back then, I lacked the ability to understand the heartache she experienced from my father... but fast forwarding to decades later at my big age of my late twenties, finding myself curled up on the couch crying and screaming at Kevin while Sol was sitting on the living room floor, brought back a magnitude of memories. Seeing Kevin pace through our house, claiming that cheating on me was a mistake but in the same breath express how it was ultimately my fault for our marriage to fail because I didn't give him enough attention after birthing our daughter.

I fucking hated him in those moments for how low he made me feel. How— he walked away from me every-time, I voiced my concerns, my pain and how betrayed I felt for him to cheat on me with the very woman that was present when he proposed, at our engagement party, wedding, gender-reveal and baby-shower. This woman was present during Sol's birth— seated in the waiting room, supplying my family with endless donuts, coffee and hoagie sandwiches as they waited hours for me to give birth. She was the very woman who came over and helped me when Kevin went to work, and I was stuck at home tending to Sol alone because my mother and sister also couldn't take off of work. Sabrina was family, I considered her as a very important extension of my family. Hell, I even invited her to my wedding shower and bachelorette party. I accepted her into my life, after Kevin and I got together because I perceived her and Kevin as brother and sister, not fucking one another. So— to find out that they were fucking behind my back all that time made me realize that Sabrina truly didn't perceive me as family... not even a friend. Instead she perceived me as an enemy because she defiantly did her big one with keeping me close as fuck.

After the realization had set in about Kevin and Sabrina sleeping with each-other. I immediately went to the doctor and had multiple STD tests ran and thankfully nothing came up positive except for BV: Bacterial Vaginosis— and I was pissed. I returned home from the clinic, after dropping Sol off at my mother's house because I knew that the way my attitude was going to be—I didn't want Sol to experience me in that light. However, when I got home— I was surprised to see Sabrina exiting out of her car parked behind Kevin's truck parked in my driveway. She looked natural... fucking second nature seeing her walk up to my front door, and knock on it in anticipation for Kevin to answer the door. I was parked on the side-street of our house because I didn't want Kevin to know that I was coming home but after seeing Sabrina park in my fucking drive-way, and then walk into my house... I had nothing but rage built inside myself that desperately needed to explode.

Once I exited out of my truck, and walked into my house, I heard Kevin yell "Shit... Nolia's home. Brina— you gotta go" but it wasn't Kevin's statement that made me pause, it was Sabrina's when she said, "Kevin... I'm pregnant. I'm not going fucking anywhere. She needs to know because this is your baby."