Sparks Will Fly

Too Deep For The Intro

November

Too Deep For the Intro

"You reach your hand in fire, you pull it back when you get burnt

Gotta learn when you get hurt, even if it's with Cupid" - J. Cole 

Nolia

    Cody's been gone for no more than three weeks and it's been a bit challenging finding a new rhythm in a long distance relationship. I haven't been a long distance relationship since well... when Kevin and I were thirteen and fourteen years old trying to keep the old flame alive after I went back to Chicago after spending the summer in Kentucky. As you can tell— it didn't work until we reconnected in our twenties... and then throughout our twenties it still didn't work. And I'm honestly petrified that it's not going to work with Cody... this long distance thing. I mean— he's incredibly handsome, wealthy and available to do whatever he wants really... which gives him more than enough reasons to change his mind whenever he wants— about me. And I mean even though he stated numerous times that he loves me and only wants me, I can't help but feel anxious about it all... perhaps it's my own trauma rearing it's ugly head?

    "Nolia— girl, if you don't help me with this snacks before your cousins come over.... While Sol is sleep, help me so God.." My mother expresses as she drops the plastic bags filled with groceries she bought from Jewels.

    Rising from the couch, leaving Sol sleep while wrapped up in her favorite Barbie blanket on the couch, I walk into the kitchen to meet my mother and put away the groceries, as she prepares for the charcuterie board. This afternoon, my cousins are coming over my house to have an impromptu cousin night. Apparently, my eldest cousins who are more like aunties: Taylor, Nicole, and Dannella called my mother this morning and requested that they meet up at my house for girl's night, since I'm the only house as of now without a man presently living there... and hell, I don't know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment but either way, they're coming along with my cousins who are more around my age and some of their daughters: Yasmeen, Samia, Elizabeth, Khadija and Risha. Thankfully my sister, Tiana is coming over too... and I really hope she brings some weed because it's going to be one of those days with family that I'm going to need some weed to get through the constant conversations.

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About forty minutes later, my cousins had arrived and we were seated around my living and kitchen eating, drinking and smoking on my front porch as r&b music blasted through the Bose speakers, Kevin had implanted around the house before acting like a complete bitch ass nigga and cheating on me with Sabrina. Shit, why am I still hung up on this shit? It's been months... our divorce has been finalized and I'm with Cody, the man that I've always wanted... why is it just settling in now that Kevin and I are truly over because of his dumb ass actions?

    "I just want to know why niggas ain't shit, that's all!" Yasmeen yells over Beyonce song off the Renaissance album titled Cuff It.

    My mother reaches for her cell-phone that's blue toothed to the speakers and turns down the music slightly, "Yasmeen... girl, what the hell are you drinking? All I brought over was some damn wine." She says while laughing and slightly inspecting Yasmeen's wine glass.

    Yasmeen shrugs, "I'm drinking wine... auntie Claudia. It just maybe mixed with some Patron but it's still wine. It's like juice mixed with tequila."

    Cousin Nicole, Yasmeen's mother shakes her head, "I don't know where she got that drinking shit from..." she takes a sip out of her red solo cup filled to the brim with a strawberry margarita on the rocks.