Two In One

The Last Goodbye

The Only One left two days after they came to talk to me. Video clips from their first show were all over social media. Although seeing Ryder's smile made me want to cry, I was proud of them. They were doing what they loved and in the end that's all that mattered. 

Once I finally came out of hiding, I had to go straight to rehearsal. I've already lost enough rehearsal time, I can't afford to lose anymore. We practiced all day everyday until out fingers bled and our throats hurt. But it was worth it. Cause we sound freaking awesome. 

With one more night at Leonie's before we head to New York City for opening night, Mom came upstairs while I was packing my bag. 

"Hey Sody Dream?"

I looked up at her in the doorway. She was holding Mercury and feeding her a bottle. I'm gonna miss feeding the babies. 

"Um, I know you're busy right now, but I just got a call from the fire department. They're at the house and they said that if we want to get anything out of there we need to go now. So could you get the kids in the car and we'll head over?"

I nodded and stood up to walk out of the room. 

"Hey Mom?" 

She turned back around to me and I pulled her in for a hug. There's been some tension between us since the fire and since I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't want that tension to be there when I come back home. She wrapped an arm around me and hugged before we both let go and I made my way to the car with my younger siblings. 

Edney, Miranda and Freddie met us out front of the house. Mom and the kids immediately walked inside. The four of us stood outside for a few minutes, leaning against the front gate and staring at our charred childhood. 

"You know," Miranda began, "if we go in, it probably won't hurt as much. Seeing it would probably be a way to fill the empty space."

She was right. I was feeling so empty. I needed something to fill a bit of the gap. I just wanted to feel a little more whole. I wanted to feel better. So I stood up from the gate and walked straight through the front door. 

I had never seen so much black and grey in my life. It was so dark in the living room. All of the picture frames sitting around had been charred on the outside. All of the cabinets in the kitchen were completely black, compared to the old brown. I then took a step into Mom and Dad's bedroom. The night of the fire flashing through my mind. The bassinet blowing up. Ryder saving Dad. The firefighters coming to get me. 

Not wanting to cause a scene, I carefully made my way up the crumbling staircase. I walked into Deacon's room and immediately went to pick up his bass guitar. The second my fingers touched it, I pulled them back. The strings scorched my finger tips. I then met Edney in her room, where she was picking up all of the fallen picture frames. I went over and grabbed some off of the wall and put them in her duffel bag. 

"Freddie went up to the attic to get the suitcases. You might want to go salvage the clothes you can, Mom is worried you won't get enough sleep before tomorrow."

I rolled my eyes and handed her one last picture before exiting her room. I stopped to check on Bogie in her room, which hadn't gotten the worst of the fire. Bogie was pulling clothes out of her drawers and sloppily tossing them into a bag. She's certainly my sister. 

I stood in front of my bedroom door, absolutely terrified to go in. The door was now black, compared to it's original off-white shade. Knowing that it couldn't be as bad as the picture I had in my head. I quickly turned the knob and took three steps in. 

The wood floors hadn't completely turned black but they weren't still completely brown either. My white bed sheets had holes in them outlined in black. The glass in my windows had been stained black and all of the little Christmas lights had been blown out. 

Taking a deep breath, I walked into my closet and reached up to get a duffel bag. After tossing a few dresses and skirts down into it, I opened my drawers to get some clothes out. Freddie came in and set my suitcase down while looking around. 

"Wow, right after the remodel," he said while taking my photo frames from my bedside table, "oh my gosh, Sody your guitar."

I was too afraid to turn around. I hadn't even looked at it yet.  It sounds dumb, but that guitar was my first friend. It helped me through so much. I couldn't bear to see my baby charred and destroyed. But I turned around.

And it was fine. The red guitar was the brightest thing in the room. Against all of the black it looked brand new. Dumbfounded, I walked over and grabbed it off of it's stand and strummed the strings, wondering if I was actually holding it. 

I sunk down to my knees and hugged my guitar close, as my tears began to drip down it. Freddie sat with me and asked me what was wrong. 

"I miss Dad. He gave me this guitar, Freddie. Why couldn't the guitar have burned? Why did he have to? I miss Dad. And I miss Ryder?"

"Aww Sody."

He pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my head to calm me down. 

"Freddie they both brought me back to life. And now they're both gone. If it weren't for either of them, I wouldn't be going on this tour. I wouldn't be in this band. It's all because of them. I just want them back."

"Hey Dad's always with you. He's always in your heart. He's probably up there rolling his eyes at us right now."

We both laughed and I wiped my eyes before he continued. 

"And Ryder...well I don't know about Ryder right now. But I told you before. Ryder loves you. Even if he doesn't right now, he will always have a little piece in his heart that loves you. I promise you that."

I moved my guitar and hugged my brother, remembering when he used to make me feel better when we were kids. I realized this was the last time I would be doing this for a while. I wouldn't get to sit on the floor in my bedroom. I wouldn't get to talk to or hug my big brother. I wouldn't get to enjoy time with my family, even though this isn't under the best circumstances. 

But I have to do this. I promised everyone and myself that I would. I have to do this tour. For my family. For my brother. For my Dad. For Bo. For Ryder.

--hey people so hope you guys can stick with me for one more chapter! cause the next chapter's the last one! then out comes book two! 

also just to be clear, fire can spread through certain doors, just saying