Two In One

The Truth (Somewhat)

"So you can't even talk about him without just feeling..."

I finished his sentence for him with the word, "Lost."

He moved from the window and sat down next to me on his bed in the hotel. He sat there pondering the story I'd just told him before grabbing my hand. Placing a little peck on it, he opened his mouth to speak.

"There isn't an alternative or something that could I guess 'fill the gap."

I shook my head before explaining to him why.

"I'm a twin Ryder. The gap can't be filled. Space is taken up by my family and friends and Leonie and you. But there's always a little empty piece. It's cause we were born together. I think it's emotion that makes me feel this way. But sometimes it feels like my mind and body are working together. Or one is working against the other."

As he stared at me confused, I tried to think of an easier way for him to understand it.

"You remember when Mom went and changed Mercury's diaper tonight and Mayson started crying? Then we heard Mercury crying in the other room?"

His face lit up as he understood what I meant.

"So it's kind of like a separation thing?"

"Yeah I just kind of used the terms that the therapists would use to explain it to me."

"You had to go to a therapist," he asked me with a sympathetic look on his face.

"Yeah. I wasn't making friends at school. And I asked for him a lot even though my parents had already told me that he was gone. I stopped going when I met my ex-boyfriend. Then I had to start going again."

"Why? Was it his fault?" He looked like he wanted to punch a wall.

I know I said I would tell him about Arsen. But I'm so scared to tell him. He's so happy right now cause the band is doing so well. I don't want to ruin that for him. So I quickly came up with a lie.

"No, sometimes he would try to get me to talk about it with him. And it just brought the memories back. One night I was talking in my sleep and I asked for Bo so Mom made me go back. And after we broke up I was really sad too. Once I got over him I stopped going though."

He sighed in relief before grabbing my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug.

"Twins are just a two in one deal," I said, "I didn't get to learn to physically be without him for short periods of time. So I don't know how to fill the gap."

He pulled out of the hug and looked me in the eyes. He gently leaned in to please a kiss on my forehead.

"Don't worry. I'll figure something out."

Wondering if this sweetness overload could get any better, I kissed him then went in for another hug. I can't believe I hated this guy. I can't believe I hated the guy I'm in love with.

"Alright time to relax," he said, "what would you say to a trip to the club for some fried food and song writing?"

I smiled as he held his hand out to me.

"I'd say 'Why didn't you ask me sooner?"

As I stood up and walked out of his room he turned to face me.

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

I nodded slightly worried as to what the question would be.

"Your ex-boyfriend? Why did you break up with him?"

On the inside, I freaked out. I didn't know what to say. So I told him part of the truth.

"I hated being in love with him. I was kind of forcing myself to love him because I didn't want to dump him. As you know at this point, I hate saying no. And he ended up getting to me first. And I was sad because even though we broke up and I didn't have to force myself to love him anymore, I wanted to be the one to end it. I know that sounds crazy but, it was something I needed to do for myself to make myself feel a little less inferior. And I just waited to long."

"It's not crazy Sody."

I smiled at him again before he grabbed my hand and we walked down the hall to the elevator.

hey just wanted to say sorry i know this chapter isn't the best. but i've got something really good coming that will literally make you cry the ocean. so just be patient it's coming! <3