Broken.

1.Out of Place.

Would it really matter if I was here? Would anyone care? I hear and see everything but act like I'm deaf to their comments, and blind to their screws. Yeah, I know. I know they're fake friends but without them who do I have? No family. No boyfriends. No one. Just me, myself and I. Pathetic, I know.

It's lunch, and they're talking about what they're wearing for own clothes day next week. I can't be asked to input in their conversation; yeah, I don't have the luxury of the nicest clothes but it's not my fault. I can't be getting all those stuff when my mum is barely paying the bills. Even if that woman did have the money, she wouldn't give me a dime.

"Oi what you wearing?" Grace asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
All eyes on me.
"Erm... I don't know, I'll just wear what I can find."
They all laugh, except from Mercy.
"As usual." Priscilla says.
I would have asked her what's that supposed to mean, but that would only stir up an irrelevant argument; so as always I waved her comment away.
"Anyways... " Priscilla continues, dismissing my presence, "Who's going West this Saturday?I wanna get new high waisted jeans from Topshop for next week."
They all leave the table as the pips go indicating the end of lunch. As I watch them walk to their next lesson and hear them making plans for Saturday, I couldn't help but feel out of place.

"Ignore that bitch, you coming or nah?" Mercy says walking back towards me.
This is why I love this girl, she's the realist in the batch. She can be a bitch don't get me wrong, but she's the only true friend I have.
"Yeah. What lesson do we have next?" I ask her.
"Geography. Ah shit! Did we get homework?"
"Yup!" I laugh " It was simple doe, just copy mine quick." I said getting my book out of my bag.
"Thanks bish!" She says taking the book out of my hand to copy, whilst walking to class.

The rest of the day went by quicker than I expected, and before I knew it , it was already registration.
"Are you coming my yard, you might see Armani." Mercy says smirking as she approaches me.
"Bitch, I aint going no where looking like this! I look hella bummy!!"
"I'm glad you know" Kayla says, with no trace of a smile so I knew it wasn't a joke.
"Na b ,you look calm, I'll fix up your hair when we get to my house." Mercy says ignoring Kayla's remark.
"Thanks Cee"
She smiles taking her seat as Ms Lester walks in.

I blocked everything around me and couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with the fact that I'm seeing Armani after school. He probably isn't gonna holla if he sees me on road, but you know. I've known him for almost three years now and we went out in year 8. We broke up for some dumb reason, but I still have feelings for him. Liking him is an understatement. I love him, but I know it's not a two way thing.

The pips go and I'm joined with the 'squad'.
"Why you going Mercy's yard?" Grace asks.
"Cause of Armani. Mate you need to let him go. The boy doesn't like you, you're whipped. I swear he said he feels uncomfortable talking to you and that. Fam. Move on. It's not everyday Armani." Priscilla says. This girl is such a bitch!

The whole squad knows how I feel about Armani. They all know that I have strong feelings, but two months ago, Priscilla went out with him. She asked me for my permission and I said it was calm. Of course it wasn't 'calm' , you are asking me, for you to go out with the boy I love. You're supposed to be my friend.
If I had said no, Armani would have hated me even more if he found out that I was the reason Priscilla didn't go out with him. I would have been seen as selfish for holding on to a boy that doesn't belong to me and has no feelings for me.
I knew the bitch would have said yes to Armani even if I had said no, so there was no point. I found it even harder to live. It felt like my heart had been ripped out and shredded into unwanted pieces. Every single night I cried myself to sleep. Every single second I found it hard to breathe. Imagine an already broken heart, damaged even more. He had many girls after me but it was worst when he went out with Priscilla. The bitch made sure to rub it in my face at any given opportunity.

I didn't bother paying Priscilla's statement any attention. To be honest it's the cold, hard truth. I need to get used to it , but I can't.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Editor; Anjoola.

Thanx for the support guysz, nuff love xx