the permanent escape

chapter three ~ eden

"I'm a fucking monster."

"Hey," the stranger says, calmly but firmly, "Don't be ashamed. You're injured. Someone hurt you, right? I just want to take a look and see what happened," he says.

I almost forgot what it was like to have another person care if you got hurt. I almost forgot what it was like to be shown any sort of humanity or kindness.

I'm still extremely wary. And I'm terrified. I don't know if he's being truthful with his intentions.

"Are you going to punish me for crying?" I ask.

"Punish you? Of course not," he says, "I mean, I'm not a fan of excessive crying, but only a complete lunatic would punish someone for crying. And besides, this situation more than warrants it anyway. It's ok."

I move my head down like before. I hope he forgot about wanting to see me.

"So with that being said, can you turn towards me?" he asks.

God dammit. Well here goes I guess.

I nod slowly and turn my body so that he can see me in my battered state. I know that my arms are exposed but I don't know what else he can see.

"Ok... that's a lot to process," he mumbles, "Try to relax as much as you can for me, alright?"

I nod and just sit to the best of my abilities so that he can see at least some of what has happened to me. Plus, I don't know what he would do otherwise.

"I'd like to take a closer look. Is it ok if I touch you?" he asks.

"I–I do–d–d...p–please d–don't," I whimper.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I'll understand if you're really not ok with that, but it would be a huge help if you were," he replies.

"P–Please don't hurt me," I say. 

My voice is going a bit hoarse from all the screaming and yelling I've been doing. I don't understand why this guy is doing any of this. I don't understand how this helps.

"I won't. Do I have your permission?" he asks. 

I nod.

He places his hand under my chin, gently cupping it, and lifts my head. I feel like he's staring me dead in the face.

I watch his eyes as they move slowly and carefully down, like he's looking at every single cut or bruise, every little freckle or acne scar, my eyes, my nose, my mouth. Every single detail of my face.

I feel my lip quiver in fear. Embarrassing.

That gets his attention; once I realize he saw, I start shaking violently, which he notices. I hate these involuntary reactions. I wish I could sit calmly and not draw so much attention to myself. 

"Shhh, I know. You're doing a great job. Just breathe for me, ok?" he says.

Using the hand under my chin, he turns my head to the side, doing the same thing he was doing earlier. Then, he turns my head to the other side. Oh shit.

He takes the pointer finger from his other hand and presses it lightly against my cheek. 

"Are these... fingernail markings?" he asks.

"Mm-hm," I reply, wincing from the sudden touch and the pain. 

After what felt like an eternity, he finally moves his hands away from my face.

"I'm so scared," I say, my voice shaking. The words just fall out of my mouth. I immediately move my hand up to my mouth.

"It's ok, I know you're afraid, maybe you find this whole thing a bit intimidating. I know you may not want to, but I'm going to ask you to do something else now," he says.