Deadland

Chapter 80- Maybe It's Not

We could and just...tell them no when they try to kill us-if they try to kill us.

"Where there's life, there's possibility." Morgan insists. 

Okay, well that's bullshit. But I'll silently stay on his side.

"Of them hitting us." Rick quickly imputs. 

"Hey-we're not trapped in this." Morgan loudly states. "None of you are trapped in this." 

"Morgan..." Rick tries. "They always come back." 

Morgan nods, "Come back when they're dead, too." 

"Yeah we'll stop them, we have before." Rick remarks. 

"I'm not talkin' about the Walkers." Morgan says. 

"Morgan wants to talk to them first," Rick says to the group, looking around. "I think that would be a mistake but it's not up to me. I'll talk to the people still at home. I'll discuss it with the people on guard now, too, but who else wants to approach the Saviors, talk to them first?" 

Aaron quickly stands up, "What happened here we won't let that happen again. I won't." He looks at Morgan then nods to Rick, sitting down. 

"Looks like it's settled. We know exactly what this is. We don't shy from it, we live." Rick says. "We kill them all." 

As soon as Rick says that, the walls of the church begin to close. My breath gets caught in my chest and it feels like there's a zip-tie around my ribcage, slowly tightening it. My heart feels heavy and my hands get clammy. 

I can't be in here.

Without a word, I quickly stand up and fast walk out of the church, my breathing incredibly fast-paced and loud, and all eyes on me. 

"Adrian!" Alyssa calls, running after me. 

I turn the corner of the church and run to the house, not looking back at Alyssa running after me. 

I slam through the door and don't even bother closing it because I know Alyssa is right on my tail. I run up the steps and into my bedroom. 

It feels like I'm breathing through a straw, my arms feel heavy, and my fingers are tingling. 

"Adrian!" Alyssa knocks quickly on my door before opening it, not waiting for me to say "come in". 

I'm pacing the room, my hands are entangled in my hair and I'm breathing rapidly, too rapidly. Because of the pace of my breathing, my head gets light and my heart has to work harder to keep me awake but I barely notice it. 

"Adrian!" Alyssa grabs me by the shoulders and turns me to face her, her head almost level with mine as she continues to grow. "What's going on?" 

I break out of her grasp and continue pacing the room, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to fucking do!" I repeat, shaking my hands to try and get feeling back in them. 

"Adrian! What's happening?!" 

"The Saviors!" I yell, turning to Alyssa. 

"What?" I can tell she's genuinely confused, I don't blame her. 

"NEGAN!" I practically scream. 

Her eyes go wide and she tenses at my loud voice but I don't falter. "Fucking Negan! The name just keeps getting brought up! You know exactly who he is, you know what he did for me, you know what I went through and how he helped! I don't care what he could do, I can't kill him! I can't, I can't, I-" I sit on the bed and bury my face in my hands.