Stray Kids Drabbles

Skz finds you battling self-harm (7)

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To the bedroom."

"No you're not. Get back here and sit down. We're going to have a conversation about why you're not eating. Sit your ass in the chair."

"But I-"

"No. Sit down and shut up." He placed the cup of noodles in the spot where you were sitting. His eyes narrowed while he stared at you.

You wanted to turn around and ignore him. When Seungmin made up his mind, he made up his mind. There was no use in running away from the problem. He'd hunt you down and figure out the root of the problem anyway.

You sighed and sat back down. He pushed a fork over to you and plopped down in his own seat. You stared down at the cup of noodles and your mind began to wander.

How many calories were in it? How much sodium? What if this single cup of noodles caused you to lose control? What if this single meal caused you to spiral into a binge? On and on your internal thoughts went and Seungmin had no idea.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry," you repeated.

He crossed his arms over his chest and waited in silence for your real answer. You bit down on the inside of your cheek. You shifted beneath his eyes again. He knew exactly how to make you squirm.

"I don't feel like I deserve to eat," you meekly admitted. You didn't meet his eyes. You kept staring at the steam rising from the cup of noodles.

"Why not?"

You shrugged, but then continued anyway. "I feel like I deserved to be punished for not being good enough." Your fingers played with the ends of your hoodie sleeves.

"Not good enough? What do you mean you're not good enough? What are you talking about?"

"I could be better. My body isn't in the best shape right now. It's a simple way to lose weight. Honestly, I kind of like the feeling of starving. It makes me feel strangely powerful."

"But you have to eat." He leaned forward and reached his hand out. He was gentle as he cupped his hand over yours. "How are you going to have the strength to get through your days without food?"

You shrugged your shoulders again. It felt pathetic when you said it out loud. Your stomach continued rumbling. The scent of beef broth was overwhelming now that it was closer.

"How long has this been going on?"

"It just started this week."

Seungmin stared at you wondering how he could help you. He knew about eating disorders, but he didn't know how to help you. The answer seemed so simple to him, but your brain wasn't wired like his was.

Food was not fuel for you, it was a daily challenge; a struggle. A battle of binging and starvation. Something you loved and loathed at the exact same time. It was gluttony, but perfection; a twisted combination of the two. You never seemed to find middle ground.

"That notebook that you've been writing in recently in our bedroom. You've been counting calories, haven't you?"

You didn't have to respond. Seungmin already knew the answer. A frown filled his face. The noodles were beginning to lose their warmth.

"Do you trust me?" He suddenly asked.

"Of course, I trust you. What kind of question is that? I'm dating you, obviously I trust you."

"Can I make you food from now on? Not every meal, but just one a day, so I know you're eating something. It'd make me feel better."

Your heart pounded in your chest. You didn't want to agree, but you also didn't want this to spiral out of control and funnel into something you lost yourself completely to. The question weighed heavily on your mind. He was asking you to give up control to the one thing that you could control.

"Can we try it for one day?" His voice softened. "One day and if you don't like it, we can figure out something else."

You finally nodded your head slowly. Your eyes wandered down to the fork beside you. You let out a soft sigh before you picked it up, twisted it into the cup of noodles, and took a bite. Flavor exploded on your tongue. You relished the taste with closed eyes.

"How is it?"

"It's really good."

"I'm glad I didn't decide to poison it then."

"Seungmin!"

He let out a laugh and sat back. A small smile appeared on your face. He kept you busy with conversation, so your mind couldn't go back to focusing on your food. Eventually, you managed to eat half of them before you pushed them away. Seungmin allowed it without complaint.

"Whoops, I think you got something here." He leaned across the table and began to reach for your shirt.

You looked down to see what it was, but before you could see, he reached up and flicked the end of your nose.

You let out a yelp and pulled away. Shooting him a glare, he could only laugh in amusement. He always knew how to keep you on your toes.