I Four-Letter You

1

1

Technique

"Ms. Miriazo, 99 over 100."

The students clapped their hands nang i-announced ni atty. ang score ko. Lahat ng first year students ay nasa isang joint classroom. Night class.

Hindi pa rin ako sanay na iba ang schedule. Minsan hindi pa nasusunod. Most of the time we had to do make-up classes in weekends. Napaka-hassle mag-aral! Tapos minsan quiz agad ng Monday.

Kinuha ko ang papel ko sa harap. I walked in the aisle, feeling proud of myself. All the sleepless nights paid off. I smiled at him after receiving my test paper for the prelim exam.

Bumalik ako sa upuan ko na ngiting-ngiti.

"Grabe, ha! Palong-palo!" proud na sabi ng kaibigan kong si Essa na katabi. Mataas din ang score n'ya dahil kumopya sa akin last week.

"And the highest score is 100. A perfect score."

Parang nag echo 'yon sa tainga ko. Perfect? Hindi ako ang highest? Kung hindi ako? Sino?

Ang galing naman n'ya. It seemed like my happiness for myself transferred to that person. Pero kapalit no'n...

I sighed. My grip on my test paper tightened. Na-disappoint ako sa sarili ko. Kung kaya n'yang i-perfect, ba't ako hindi?

I closed my eyes and comforted myself. I told myself I did my best and that I don't have to compare myself to anyone, but it didn't work. I was so thirsty for academic validation that I couldn't beat my mind's negativity.

I hate this feeling, but then I couldn't control it. I hate myself.

"Mr. Alonzo," atty. announced in the class.

Matangkad, maputi, at chinito. Iyon ang napansin ko nang mag-angat ng tingin. Malamig ang ekspresyon n'ya nang tanggapin ang test paper. The whole class cheered for him except me.

I wanted to clap, but was too weak and preoccupied at the same time.

Our eyes met when he walked back to his chair. I didn't smile, nor did he. Naupo siya sa hilera ng katabing upuan ko. I sighed and moved my head sideways. Our eyes reconnected,  but our emotions didn't change. I was the first to cut the connection as if I was out of signal.

"Grabe, amazed na amazed ako sa score mo, pero grabe naman 'yong naka perfect!" si Essa habang palabas kami ng E-gate.

May mga tumatawag at nagpapaalam sa aking umuwi. Puro tipid lang na ngiti ang naibigay ko. I was suddenly out of battery. Can't socialize.

"Ano'ng pangalan no'n?" tanong ko. Naghihintay na kami ng sasakyan. Wala akong sundo ngayon.

"'Di mo 'yon kilala? Iyon yung sikat sa 1-C! Daming nagkakagusto ro'n..."

"Familiar yung mukha pero ang pangalan ay hindi."

Wala naman kasi akong pakialam sa mga lalaki noon. I didn't care about their existence.

Essa chuckled. "Theodore Rayle Alonzo. Basketball player ng College of Accountancy."

"Varsity ng department natin?" I asked.

Tumango siya. "Nagpa-tryouts last week. Niyayaya kita pero ayaw mong pumunta no'n."

Pag-uwi sa bahay, nag self-reflection ako. Parang gusto kong tanungin kung anong study method n'ya. Pero siyempre hindi ko 'yon gagawin. Hindi rin naman ako nag fi-first move kahit kanino.

Theodore Rayle Alonzo V

rami04: hi! what's your study method? congrats pala!

I sent it! I sent it? I sent it?!

When I stalked his account, walang gaanong posts. Actually, isa lang ang IG post n'ya, at one year ago pa! Kasama n'ya ang mga barkada n'ya at nakasuot ng uniform. Chinese lahat ng kasama n'ya.

"Chinese siguro mommy neto," I said to myself while looking at his picture.

Gwapo siya, at wala sigurong makaka-kwestyon doon. Matangos ang ilong at medyo manipis ang mga labi. But in fairness, they're pinkish.

Matagal akong naghintay ng reply n'ya pero wala! 1,027 ang followers n'ya pero wala siyang fina-follow kahit isa. Baka inactive nga ang Instagram n'ya.  In-unsend ko na.

Pagpasok ko sa school, may kasagutan si Essa sa harap ng room. May hawak na upuan yung isang estudyante ng 1-C. Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Upuan ng room namin 'yan! Bakit? Kasalanan ba naming kulang ang mga upuan niyo?!" sigaw ni Essa. Halos mamula siya sa galit.

I sighed and watched the drama.

"First come, first served! It's not our fault your classmates are late! Edi sila ang maghanap ng upuan nila!" Class rep ng 1-C. Antonia.

I sighed. "Ilang upuan ba ang kinuha nila?" I asked Essa.

Tinarayan ako ni Antonia. Magkamali lang siya ng gawin, pagsisisihan n'ya talaga.

"Dalawa! Wala sa'yo at kay Nat..."

Tumango ako at dumiretso sa classroom ng 1-C. May dalawang bakanteng upuan. Walang gamit na nakapatong o kung ano pa man. Tss. First come, first served mukha mo.

Hahawakan ko pa lang ang mga upuan nang itulak n'ya ako. I didn't fell, tho. Her classmates gasped and made different reactions.

I fixed my composure. "First come, first served? Saan ang dalawa?" malamig kong sabi.

Huwag n'ya akong subukan ngayon at napuyat ako kagabi kaka-overthink kung nakita ba nung Singco 'yong message ko at 'di lang pinansin!

"Ba't ba nangingialam ka? Hindi naman ikaw ang class rep?"

"They're my classmates, too, of course I'll meddle in. Totoo rin namang mga upuan namin ang nasa classroom, kaya bakit n'yo kukunin?"

Kinuha na ni Essa ang dalawang upuan. Antonia was about to drag her but I prevented it from happening. Hinila ko ang ID lace n'ya paatras. Alam kong galit na galit na siya kaya 'di na ako nagulat nang hilahin n'ya ang buhok ko. I gave her three seconds to stop. Hindi ako bumawi. When she didn't stop dragging my hair, I summoned all the remaining energy in my body and smacked it hard on her face using my palm.

Tumahimik ang classroom. I sighed and looked at my palm. Namumula. Umiyak si Antonia, kasabay no'n ang paghila sa akin ni Essa.

"Kulang ka na naman sa tulog 'no?! Ba't mo naman sinampal nang gano'n kalakas? Alam mo ba na Sangguniang Bayan official ang daddy no'n?"

Tapos? E, ano ngayon? Ipababaril ako? Gano'n ba?

Hindi kami nakapasok kaagad sa room dahil may humarang sa akin. My eyes remained cold.

Nasa harap ko si Theodore Rayle Alonzo V. He was towering over me, holding the sling of his duffel bag on his right side. Nagtaas ako ng kilay.

"Pomodoro, Feynman, and active recall..." he said straighly.

Mas lalo akong natigilan nang inayos n'ya ang buhok ko. My friend gasped. The other students who were watching us were stunned too.

I was dumbfounded. He smelled nice and his eyes were attractive. And his adams apple was distracting.

Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa kan'ya.

"Those are my study techniques, Ms. Rami..." he said calmly before walking past me.