Voice of Secrets. || a.a

O2 | best new artist

"Love can go one or two ways, it depends on what type of love you're looking for shorty." — Anthony August.

ANTHONY • AUGUST

Frustration hardly captured the moment. My boyfriend's anger echoed as he criticized my absence, oblivious to the significance of Soul's big night. Despite considering her family, he missed the event and blamed me for supporting her. I endured his outbursts through my phone speakers, missing half of Soul's performance.

Navigating Hollywood as a pansexual male presented challenges; judgment came from both sides. They always seen it as one or two things never in between. It's either you gay or you straight. Hell, even confused. Yet, I carved a name as the hottest producer. Amidst the crowd, I sought Soul, shouting "SUPERSTAR!" as she beamed, clutching her award. Lifting her with pride, I congratulated her on winning. She beamed with joy running over to me holding her award in the air. I scooped her up and held her in my arms tightly lifting her up and inch off the ground before placing her back down. "Man, baby, I'm so proud of you." I smiled big looking at her. She beamed.

"Best new mother fuckin' artist. How you gone act?" I smiled at her.

She smirked, doing a little dance holding up the award and giggled. I laughed. "Just wait til the album drop. You about to be number one every time." She smiled big, the way she looked at me was like I was the only man in the world. Like the man who was on top of the world. She gave me such love and affection, and we wasn't even romantically engaged with each other. Maybe it's the chemistry from hours and hours and overnight stays in the studio or my home together making beats and hits... I don't know what it is.. "OK you two, let's get going. The after party won't be waiting for long."

"You coming to the after party?" She smiled wiping her lipstick from my cheek.

I shook my head no. "Nah, I got to get back home. I just wanted to support you and let you know how proud I am of you. Don't get too lit. We have a stu session in the morning." She chuckled and pouted, "I hate that you're not staying but I get it. Thank you for coming and supporting me." I smiled. "Always baby. Enjoy. And happy new year."

•••

I leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You know this was a big moment for Soul," I spoke softly. My boyfriend ran his tongue over his perfect pink plump lips, glancing over in my direction. He stood up, grabbing his empty glass and plate and walking around the island.

"I get it, I love Soul too. But you promised to spend New Year's with me, and you weren't here. I'm not trying to be that dude, but you promised to be back before midnight. It's after two."

I understood why he was upset because I did in fact say I would be home before midnight. "I get that. I do. But they pushed her performance time back, and I didn't want to leave until after her performance was done. You know she didn't have anyone to fully support her, and I kind of find it funny how you didn't want to support her in the biggest moment in her career too."

"It's not that I didn't want to support Soul. You know that's my baby and I love that girl," he sighs. "But you know that big crowd and all of that isn't my type of environment."

I looked at him for a while, he was lying but I wasn't about to question him. It was too early in the morning and I was simply too tired. "I'm about to shower, and lay down. You coming to bed?" He nodded his head, without another word I disappeared up the stairs to my bedroom and showered. While in the shower I found my mind drifting in places I tried to avoid. Visualization of her in my arms, back pressed against the shower wall...

Fuck.