Surviving Summer // Baxter Radic x OC

Chapter Twenty One - Here's The Thing About Grief

A cheeky smirk crosses his lips as his eyes trail down to my lips then lower as he looks appreciatively, realizing I'm wearing his favorite bikini. It's essentially a push up bra in swimwear. His hands grip my hips as he pulls me in closer. His head leans down so his lips are close to my ear. His breath ghosting over my neck making me shiver with anticipation. "If my breath can make you quiver I can't wait to see what my tongue is gonna make you do later." he whispers.

"Do you think they would notice if we were gone?" My voice was low as I tried to remind myself to breathe. I wanted him to be very...very disrespectful right now. His hand gently grabs me by my throat, the smile on my stupid face told him every single thought in my head right now. "You're such a freak and I fucking love it."

"Will you both stop being disgusting and focus on the comp today please and thank you." Poppy says walking past us. "How badly do you need us?" Bax asks her, my eyes widen. She snaps her head back towards us with fire in her eyes. "As team captain I would advise you to stay in our tent cheering on our team and make yourself available in case you are needed today. If I find out that you two snuck off to play tonsil hockey I will literally kill you. Understand?" She snaps. "Oh there will be no tonsil hockey I was planning to break her back but I can suffer for a few hours. I personally like living right now." Bax teases. Poppy glares at him before turning back around to check on Bodhi and Summer.

"Break my back huh?" I smile up at him as he shakes his head with a chuckle. "Such a freak." "You know there's a nice table in my room...would make a perfect place to bend me over...ya know just in case you need some ideas." I wink walking backwards my eye contact never leaving Bax while I head towards my girls. "It hurts that you think I need ideas when I've already mentally thought about you spread across that table." My cheeks flush turning bright red as a few heads turn our way in shock.

I make my way to the girls as they all huddle by the starting point. "How many hours exactly do you need us to not be in our room tonight?" Summer teases. I bump her shoulder with mine my blush not cooling down anytime soon.

"Can we focus on surfing right now?" Poppy snaps but I don't miss the way her eyes light up in a smile even if her lips aren't. She gives them her best captain speech before Summer takes off into the water. "Our first Paris surfers are in the water and we are frothing. In just a few seconds that siren is gonna kick off two days of incredible juniors surfing." One of the commenters says through the speak. All the teams are chanting along the beach as our group huddles together doing our own chant.

The siren blares as Summer takes off trying to get that first wave but a Queenslander takes the inside and beats her to it. She hesitates on the next wave before she finally takes off catching a beauitful set. She does an amazing carve that will put some points on the board. She runs in to tag Bodhi.

Bodhi gets out there and instantly catches the first wave that comes her way. She attacks it, sticking her landing as she pulls out an impressive 7.5 score. With Summer and Bodhi's scores we are moved to the next round of heats.

Later that afternoon I sit in a chair watching a heat with Marlon when a burrito is dangled in front of my face. I look up to see Bax smiling down at me. "You need to eat." He states before setting a drink in the cup holder of my chair while I greedily grab the burrito from him. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until food was in front of me. "Where's my food?" Mars teases "Up the hill make a left, then just through the double doors you'll find your food waiting for you" Bax winks.

He picks me up from my chair while he takes a seat and places me on his lap. I snuggle into him before unwrapping my burrito and practically inhaling it. "I've never been more attracted to you" Bax smirks.

"Yes nothing sexier than me eating like a starved croc" My words muffled with my mouth full of food. "It's hot when a girl eats food. Real food and isn't afraid to look like a starved croc." Bax winks "So true" Mars agrees. "There's a difference between dating one of those beach bunnies that's never surfed a day in their life and dating an athlete that fuels their body correctly to be the best in their sport. I know how to eat because I want to be at my best...but also I just really like food." I tell them as they silently nod their heads in agreement. Mars leaves shortly after to get him and Pops some food.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching the others completely crush it during their heats. We finished out the day in first place, tomorrow couldn't come fast enough. The anticipation I felt coursing through my body all day ready to feel the water weave between my fingers as I wait for the perfect wave. It was pure heaven out there and to think I almost give it all up.

Bax was reading his book to me while we laid on his bed cuddled up in the boys hotel room. Griff was napping after supper and Marlon and Poppy were on one of the top bunks watching a movie together. I liked this feeling....I felt content.....almost. It was like the pieces of my life were finally fitting together. I had amazing friends who have been by my side every step of the way and I had Bax.

God I wish there were enough words in the dictionary to explain how much he means to me. Wish I could form the perfect poem to describe how incredible he is. Everything felt so perfect and yet so wrong. That familiar ache of missing her filling my chest until my grip on Bax's shirt tightens. He stops his reading setting the book down and turning his attention towards me.

"What's wrong love?" His ocean blues full of concern.

"Just missing her a little more tonight.....I never thought I would be here again. Doing all this without her. There's this giant hole where she should be, a hole I can't fill and I've tried desperately to fill it with distractions but I think it's all finally starting to hit me." It felt like darkness was hovering off to the side waiting to engulf me again.

"I don't want to slip back into the darkness...into the depression that consumed me after her death. But it's right there, waiting...." My voice wavering with unshed tears. I hated this. How emotional I am. It was embarrassing.

Bax strokes my cheek tenderly. "You spent this past year distracting yourself from fully healing, it makes sense that it's finally catching up to you. You made it to finals. Your first finals without her. That can't be easy." His strokes stop as he tilts my chin up so our eyes find each others. Those ocean eyes staring at me with a deep intensity that takes my breath away. "It's okay to break down Kai. You are safe here. Let it out until there is nothing left and when you're ready we will pick up the pieces together and heal." I curl into him as I do exactly what he says.

All my memories of her flooding my thoughts as I quietly sob, his arms tighten around me pulling me closer into him. He waves someone off letting them know I'll be okay. I hear the retreat of their footsteps as I give in to the darkness surrounding me. Letting it break me as I finally grieve my immense loss. Fully trusting in Bax to hold me until I was ready to rebuild.